'Cause Redmond Said So! (1/22/04)
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Sick of seeing Apple's personal computer market share stuck down in the two to three percent range when the numbers come out each quarter? Well, hey, don't pout about it; we have it on good authority that the Mac is about to experience a definite market share increase over the course of the next few years. How do we know? Because Microsoft said so, and no one knows market share like Big Redmond.

No joke! Faithful viewer Sean forwarded us a Macworld UK article which quotes the company's "group marketing manager for home and retail products" (job title continued on business card 2) as saying that the folks at Microsoft "anticipate a growth in Mac sales over the next two to three years" that will result in a market share increase. Redmond's not predicting a return to the double-digit percentages of Apple's heyday, but it does see "the platform as heading in a positive direction," and "the Mac productivity market growing." Which is why Microsoft is continuing development on Mac Office: "Our research shows that half of Mac users use Office, sometimes three or four times a day." Three or four times a day? That sounds low to us. Or are they not counting relaunches when Word crashes every ten minutes?

Whatever. The problem is, there's just one little thing about this oh-so-spiffy public vote of confidence in the Mac's increasing viability: Microsoft lies. A lot. Like, almost constantly. Surely you remember the Redmond Justice trials, right? Microsoft got caught in so many lies the judge was laughing. So we can't help but be just the teensiest bit suspicious that the company's "Hey, the Mac is going to grow by leaps and bounds, tra la la la la" comments are mostly intended as a tactic to be referenced in some upcoming antitrust defense, e.g. "we can't possibly be a monopoly, because look, more and more people are buying Macs, which is why we have to keep developing Mac Office don't you know. Case closed."

But if we were to throw caution to the wind, though, and take Microsoft at its word, you may well wonder why Microsoft would be talking up the Mac's growth potential to the press. It does seem a little odd, doesn't it? Maybe the company's a little off-balance after having lost a trademark infringement suit over the "Microsoft" name against an Australian pillow manufacturer, as faithful viewer bo points out in The Register. Or maybe this is an attempt to show off a "kinder, gentler Microsoft" after recent widespread reports that the company unleashed a horde of toothy lawyers at a 17-year-old kid after trying to stiff him on a fair cost for his domain name a couple of weeks back.

For whatever reason, though, Microsoft said something nice about Apple's market share potential. Mark the calendar; maybe on this date a year from now we can commemorate the occasion with cupcakes or something. And heck, if Microsoft's prediction of increased Mac market share comes to pass, maybe we'll even bust out the sprinkles.

 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 1/22/04 episode:

January 22, 2004: For some reason, Microsoft goes telling the press that the Mac will expand its market share over the next few years. Meanwhile, the fate of July's Macworld Expo still hangs in the balance, and people are using GarageBand and Soundtrack to remix the animal-like exclamations of presidential candidates into works of art...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4461: PR Disaster, Boston-Style (1/22/04)   Gee, how very strange; every time we visit the Macworld Expo web site in hopes of finding info about registering as an exhibitor at the upcoming Boston show in July, all we see is information on the San Francisco show that ended two weeks ago...

  • 4462: It's What Art Is All About (1/22/04)   Still not convinced that GarageBand is the killer app that'll revolutionize music production for the masses in much the same way that iMovie made desktop video a reality and WYSIWYG and the LaserWriter spawned a zillion homemade newsletters?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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