Start checking behind the bushes for a squinty-eyed chain smoker with a spooky voice, because we may have fallen headlong into a zone associated with an early-evening time of day. (Dusk or something. We're not sure.) Faithful viewer Oskar informs us that CNN/Money somehow dug up a survey which sought to determine "which [high-tech] companies customers were most loyal to"-- and Apple didn't make the cut to be named a "Loyalty Leader." Which is, y'know, probably fine with Apple, since it's a dorky title to be dragging around and would probably get it beat up on the playground at recess every day, but surely something has drastically upset the order of the universe if Apple doesn't rank as one of the most loyalty-inspiring companies ever to exist on this or any other plane of reality. Should we fear imminent armageddon?

Oh, wait-- never mind. It turns out that Walker Information, the research firm that conducted the survey, only solicited the brand loyalty opinions of "corporate information technology decision makers," and not actual human beings. (They're biologically categorizable as "furniture," we believe.) Is it any surprise, then, that "Cisco, Dell, Microsoft, and IBM" came out on top? Walker execuveep Phillip Bournsall perhaps says more than he means when he comments that "IT departments appreciate Microsoft more than individual users." That is, in fact, a deliciously ambiguous statement; do IT departments care more about the Redmond Beast than they care about the individual corporate desk-jockeys they nominally support? Or do they just like Microsoft more than the individual user likes Microsoft? We assume Phil meant the latter, but it's all good.

And of course IT departments appreciate Microsoft; it's the company that keeps them gainfully employed! With a near-100% user base in corporate desktop use, Windows is the one platform that'll never raise eyebrows when the purchase requisition sails past the beancounters and the higher-ups. Meanwhile, Microsoft's products are so chock full of bugs, security holes, baffling user interfaces, and two scoops of raisins that it's just what any IT help desk needs to grow up big and strong. In fact, you can practically hear that IT budget climbing every time "an unexpected error occurs." It's not paranoia, folks (well, not just paranoia, anyway)-- we've personally witnessed this attitude on more than one occasion among the Beige Sentinels of Corporate Computing: with Windows running on every desktop, IT departments need never worry about budget cuts or layoffs. After all, if the IT department is short-staffed, who's going to keep all those crucial Wintels limping along?

What's sick, of course, is that schools wind up switching from Macs to Wintels "because that's what they use in the real world of business," when, of course, schools generally don't have IT departments and help desks; they have the physics teacher, who once made the mistake of being seen while plugging in a router cable that had come loose and has since been the de facto Mr. Fix-It whenever anything higher-tech than a bagel with cream cheese goes wonky. Sad but true.

But we digress. Anyway, fear not; no doubt someone'll conduct yet another brand loyalty survey among real people and Apple will run away with the crown. Here's hoping the winner's title is something less tragic than "Loyalty Leader," though, because we really don't want the company dipping into its $5 billion cash hoard because it has to hand its lunch money over to the school bully every day.

Hold the phone, there, Gomer-- we've got another piece of the puzzle regarding the "where's all the indie music" plotline from Friday. As you may recall (or may not, seeing as Friday's episode broadcast about two hours from Sunday), those UK independent music labels that refused to sign with the iTunes Music Store until just a few weeks ago are now complaining that their music isn't available at the UK store yet. While we still stand by our opinion that expecting Apple to dot all the legal i's and cross all the technical t's involved in adding the catalogs of "hundreds" of record labels within a few weeks is like expecting any task that requires a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles to take "just a minute or two," faithful viewer Neil Boothman pointed out something interesting about the iTMS UK that may well be related to the matter at hand.

See, one excuse that Apple can't use is that it's too busy adding all the other new music to the store, because if you connect to the iTMS UK and look at the New Releases, you'll find that for the week of the 14th there are exactly three albums listed. Yes, three-- and one is actually a single. Add up the individual tracks and you'll find that they number a grand total of 24 songs, and one of them is the Free Single of the Week. Seems a little anemic, doesn't it? In fact, if you look at the New Songs listings for each of the past four weeks, you'll notice a disturbing trend, because the list of albums has shortened considerably with each consecutive New Music Tuesday, dropping from 50 new titles to 35 to 26 to the current 3. So is this Apple's passive-aggressive way of getting back at the UK for all the recent annoyances it's caused?

Well, no. For one thing, there are hundreds of older songs listed as "Just Added," and in fact that list is longer than it was for any of the past three weeks. For another, the French and German stores only have 23 new songs apiece this week, and we all know that Apple doesn't have a grudge against either of them. So what's the deal, here? Is the entire European music industry just taking a little breather?

Here's what we think: maybe Apple isn't adding new music to the UK, French, and German stores because the pan-European iTMS is slated to open next month. Remember, Apple's original plan was to offer a single catalog and uniform pricing across all European countries, which the current batch of stores certainly doesn't have. So we figure those were just a stopgap measure to keep Apple in the game across the pond so that Napster, etc. couldn't get too firm a toehold while Apple continued to hash out the legal wrangling with the big labels. So what if, next month, the UK, French, and German stores more or less disappear? Or, rather, they'd seamlessly turn into localized front-ends to the pan-European store, which would finally unify the pricing, selection, and usage rights of the entire iTMS catalog across the continent.

That would certainly explain why Apple isn't hustling to get all that indie music into the current stores; it'll probably all appear when the pan-European store launches. It might also explain why some of those indie labels haven't even received their contracts yet, since the terms of the agreement would presumably have to change to encompass distribution throughout Europe.

Of course, the delay in adding indie music and the throttling back of New Music additions to a slow trickle could just as easily be attributed to everyone in charge of iTMS Europe getting addicted to black tar heroin (or worse, Snood). But we like to think of ourselves as optimists at heart. Besides, this entire theory will get blown sky-high if, in just a few hours, Apple posts the New Music listing for the week of the 21st and it's hundreds of titles long; if it's still woefully short, though, then it's time either to be patient and wait for next month's new store, or to stage an intervention at the Euro iTMS offices. Whichever.

[ADDENDUM: How odd is this? Since we wrote the above scene, over a dozen New Releases have been added to the UK store-- under the September 14th heading. Guess someone kicked the habit.]

SPECIAL NOTE FROM THE AtAT PRODUCTION TEAM: Seeing as it's sort of a slow news day today, we thought this would be a good time to clear the air about some troubling things we've been hearing through the grapevine recently. Basically, it all comes down to this: we swear we're not actually turning this show into an all-UK affair. Yes, we know there's been an improbably high ratio of UK-related plotlines in recent weeks, but we go where the drama is, and for a while now, a lot the drama's been over in Old Blighty. That's just how it happens sometimes.

That does not mean, however, that any of these bizarre rumors we've heard are in any way true. For one thing, we are most certainly not planning to start spelling things strangely (or, to you Queen's English types out there, stop spelling things strangely). Likewise, there are no plans to dramatically increase the show's number of references to Hob-Nobs, Ribena, or Bovril, no matter how close to lunchtime we're working. And finally, rumors that the AtAT staff has been meeting with higher-ups at BBC America to negotiate a sale of the show are off the mark; truth be told, yes, we have been meeting with some Beeb bigwigs, but only to haggle over a volume price on Mr. Creosote figurines for a project utterly unrelated to AtAT. (Don't ask; if it works, you'll hear about it on the evening news.)

So that's that; AtAT will remain entirely a U.S.-based show with no particular nationalistic leaning or flavor. So let's hear no more about it, all right?

Now, on to business. Did you hear that Apple's opening a second UK retail store?

No, really! The London flagship boutique won't open for another month or two yet, but Apple is already making plans for a second store in the non-Londony UK metropolis of Birmingham. Says who, you ask? Says Apple, say we. The company isn't exactly being what you'd call subtle about the news, since it's already posted a page recruiting store staff. And as if simply being located in the UK doesn't earn the store enough cool points, get this: it's to be called "the Apple Store Bullring." According to MacMinute, the Bullring Shopping Area is a freshly-opened mall-type thingy that cost half a billion pounds (half a U.S. billion, mind you) and boasts "1.2 million square feet of retail space with over 140 shops and kiosks." We believe the word you're looking for is "blimey."

So-- three stores slated for Japan, possibly three coming to England (ifo Apple Store reports that Apple is scouting locations in Manchester, which might be a sore spot for the locals, what with Becks having an iPod and all; then again, these days, who doesn't?): any bets on the next country to be blessed with Apple retaily goodness? 'Cause we've got a good feeling about Equatorial Guinea.