Paranoia Paradise (12/3/98)
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get you. That's pretty much Microsoft's whole corporate philosophy, apparently, if the "Redmond Justice" trial is any indication. Over and over again, we've heard Microsoft's attorneys claim that they are the victims in this case: Netscape conspired with the government to destroy Microsoft; Sun conspired with Netscape and IBM to destroy Microsoft; AOL and Netscape are now merging to destroy Microsoft. Microsoft's legal defenses are sounding more and more like a militia manifesto-- though, of course, that doesn't mean it's not true.

According to a Washington Post article, Microsoft's latest claim is that Sun developed Java purely to "topple" the Windows operating system. In cross-examination of Sun's James Gosling, Microsoft lawyer Thomas Burt asked if "Sun wanted to have the world be a world of Java programs run on Sun computers." Gosling replied that Sun was trying to make Java successful, but denied that they were "trying to take over the universe." After all, the whole point of Java is that it enables programs to run on any kind of computer, not just Suns-- and not just Wintels. Of course, that "write once, run anywhere" ideal isn't all the way there yet, but it stands a significantly better chance of succeeding if Microsoft stops polluting Java with Windows-only technology.

But as everyone knows, the real case is being tried on the courthouse steps, as statements are made to the press by both sides. A Computer Reseller News article describes how a Microsoft general manager claimed that "today, Java and the Java platform is not a threat to Microsoft." But in doing so, he tacitly admitted that Java had been perceived as a threat in the past, and that Microsoft had put "obstacles" in its path; his justification was that "only the paranoid survive." It may be an Andy Grove (of Intel) quote, but it may as well be carved in stone over Microsoft's headquarters. Suppose they're stockpiling automatic weapons in Redmond right about now?

 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 12/3/98 episode:

December 3, 1998: In the race to hit the airwaves with wireless net access for the common man, who will be first-- Palm or Apple? Meanwhile, Apple's little elves are busy putting the green and red bows on Mac OS 8.5.1 in time for the holidays, and "Redmond Justice" reveals that the key to Microsoft's success is simple unchecked paranoia...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 1191: Pricey Palm, Killer App (12/3/98)   So everyone's talking about the Palm VII. In case you've been out of the loop for a couple of days, here's the deal: Palm just announced a new handheld computing device in what used to be known as the "Pilot" line...

  • 1192: Time for a Tune-Up (12/3/98)   Well, it's been roughly six weeks since Mac OS 8.5 hit store shelves, accompanied by much fanfare and Apple's claim that "it's like getting a whole new Mac for $99." While that may be just a slight exaggeration, we admit, we really like this version of the Mac OS...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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