So the rest of the Mac news world is poring over Apple's SEC 10-Q report for the first fiscal quarter, looking to dig up fun little tidbits about our favorite computer company and its financial status. This is the quarterly report that Apple must file which includes all kinds of money-themed details and usually a bit of pessimistic forecasting regarding the company's future performance. MacCentral has a nice breakdown, which captures all the juicy facts a typical Mac newshound would want to know about net sales, volume growth, gross margins, the sale of ARM stock, and the Y2K problem.

We, on the other hand, are much more interested in the Chinese introduction of the new blue and white G3's (the Computer Formerly Known As Yosemite), primarily because when you get right down to it, our attention span for financial data would fit into a shotglass with our interest in professional football and our patience for anything involving the Olsen twins, and there'd still be room left over for two olives and a maraschino cherry. Plus, the Chinese G3 intro included one certain element that's guaranteed to hold our attention-- namely, a chainsaw. We are not kidding. According to the Mac Observer, Apple China staged what sounds like a truly bizarre event involving a "20 year old computer maniac buying Pentium machines" when the image of HAL 9000 "with an Einstein face" in the red lens appeared and asked said maniac "how bad he felt not buying the most beautiful and powerful computer." At which point all hell broke loose as the maniac proceeded to destroy a stage-full of Pentium machines with a baseball bat and a chainsaw. As if that weren't crazy enough, the destruction then became an audience-participation event.

Oh, to have been one of the five lucky audience members who were then invited on stage to join in the carnage... Ever since seeing Evil Dead 2 we've harbored secret fantasies of duct-taping a chainsaw onto a bloody wrist stump and taking on the forces of evil. This mental image of an Einstein-possessed HAL 9000 urging a young computer maniac to rip a pack of Wintels to shreds isn't just insane, it's downright cinematic. Horror films are hot again right now, so is there any doubt that Apple will sell the film rights soon? Perhaps to Pixar? But somehow we doubt that a computer-rendered slasher flick would generate enough "oomph." Maybe Apple will get New Line to produce it, with James Van Der Beek cast in the role of "computer maniac" and Nicholas Cage as Einstein-HAL. It's a sure money-maker.