Oh, The Humanity (9/23/99)
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Mark our words-- a few years down the line, some daring young filmmaker is going to produce a film that will redefine the much-maligned "splatter flick" category. You can forget about I Dismember Mama, Dr. Giggles can take an early retirement, and Three on a Meathook will pale in comparison. Nothing will compare to this film's excess of gore; the elevator full of blood in The Shining will look like a mere rivulet in comparison. And when the sheer extremity of the onscreen carnage gets the filmmaker on the talk show circuit and Regis asks him what inspired such a sick, blood-soaked movie, he's going to reply, "Do you remember what happened to the stock market in late September of '99?"

Seriously, in their analysis The Mac Observer referred to today's trading as a "market bloodbath," and from what we can tell, few people involved in the slaughter first-hand are likely to accuse them of hyperbole. Just about everything was down: the Dow fell over 200 points, the Nasdaq lost over 100, and our recently oh-so-fortunate buddy AAPL suffered another heavy sack beating, losing seven more points to close at a smidgen over 63-- down from 80 early in the week. Apple had already been weakened by the earnings warning it had issued earlier in the week, and today the whole market spun out of control, prompted by uncertainties following the disastrous quake in Taiwan and by the comments of Microsoft prez Steve Ballmer, who came right out and admitted that "there's such an overvaluation of tech stocks it's absurd-- and I'd put [Microsoft's] stock in that category." Ohhhhh boy...

So anyway, as we were saying, Apple's stock is now hovering around 63-- still higher than it was a month ago, but a solid seventeen points lower than where it was on Monday. Now, remember how all those analysts were reiterating their "buy" ratings and calling Apple's recent fall a "buying opportunity?" Well, if 73 was a buying opportunity, then we figure 63 qualifies as a Blue Light Special with double coupons and a free sample of Turtle Wax. Not that we're actually recommending that viewers buy now while the getting's good; we are ignorant of most financial matters and therefore we're completely unqualified to hand out market advice. All we can say is, it's mighty tempting to break into our new server fund while AAPL's this cheap just prior to mass iBook availability and the introduction of the "Kihei" iMacs...


 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


 

The above scene was taken from the 9/23/99 episode:

September 23, 1999: Understatement of the week: Thursday was not a happy day for the stock market, and Apple didn't emerge unscathed. Meanwhile, Motorola cozies up to AMD in hopes of sharing a factory in Dresden that could help alleviate the G4 shortage, and the first report of shipping "Sawtooth" G4/450s surfaces...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 1801: The Not-So-Odd Couple (9/23/99)   Motorola makes PowerPC chips that fuel our beloved Macs. AMD makes x86-compatible processors that run Windows (among other things) instead. Cobra versus mongoose? Hardly-- more like two great tastes that taste great together...

  • 1802: Shipping Now. Honest. (9/23/99)   Steve Jobs' Reality Distortion Field™ is a miraculous force, to be sure, and we're just glad that everyone's favorite iCEO uses it for good instead of evil. (Or does he? Insert ominous music here.)...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

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