As the Apple Turns: Scene 1984: Now THERE'S a Scoop... (12/20/99)

Now THERE'S a Scoop... (12/20/99)

Stop the presses! BYTE has unearthed a real scoop-- apparently Apple's not "beleaguered" anymore. Contain your amazement for a moment and consider the facts laid out by columnist Marty Cortinas: in 1999, Apple remained profitable, saw a fantastic rise in its stock price, and unveiled a slew of new products that garnered good reviews and solid sales numbers. So BYTE is declaring Apple's death watch over, as stunning as that may seem. We expect television schedules the world over will be interrupted with special bulletins.

Come on-- it's almost the end of 1999, and BYTE's just getting around to noticing that Apple's no longer on its deathbed? Apparently someone's been spending a little too much time watching "Dukes of Hazzard" reruns to maintain an up-to-date view of the tech industry. Most companies wish they were as beleaguered as Apple was last month. In fact, if Apple's only just shedding its beleaguerment now, then 2000's gonna be one heck of a year for our friends in Cupertino.

Don't get us wrong-- we have nothing against Marty Cortinas (he gets on our good side for using the word "Schadenfreude." Ooooh, we love that!), and we're grateful that BYTE.com even has a Mac column. We're simply amused by the notion that the publication is just now getting around to declaring an end to Apple's beleaguerment. The iMac's been a smash hit for well over a year now, Apple's stock last December was nearly triple its value from the year before, and the flow of red ink had long been stanched. Heck, most of us have moved well on, shifting the "beleaguered" tag to companies that truly deserve it-- like Compaq.

SceneLink (1984)

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The above scene was taken from the 12/20/99 episode:

December 20, 1999: We interrupt this program for a special bulletin-- Apple is no longer beleaguered. (In other breaking news, Hawaii was declared the 50th state in the union.) Meanwhile, rumors of Pismo's light-up keyboard has the AtAT staff all a-flutter, and Bill "Scrooge" Gates angers Santa with Windows 2000's hefty RAM requirements...

Other scenes from that episode:

1985: Practical AND Pretty (12/20/99) All over the world, casual viewers and faithful AtAT addicts alike are reading O'Grady's PowerPage and groaning out loud, because they foresee yet another AtAT rant about the merits of light-up computers...
1986: All I Want For X-Mas... (12/20/99) "Ho ho ho... So, Timmy, have you been a good little boy this year?" "Uh, yes, Santa." "Have you been doing your schoolwork, and listening to your mommy and daddy?" "Er, well, not exactly...Ó

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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