"Real Soon Now." (1/9/00)
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If we at AtAT have one finely-honed survival skill that helps us endure the harshnesses of our modern technological society, it's this: the power of self-delusion. That's right-- collectively we can harness a tremendous willingness to believe in (and wait for) products that haven't even been announced yet. Now, the ability to wait for progress that's due to appear "real soon now" is a skill not unknown to most of the Mac faithful, who taxed their "optimistic patience" muscles to the extreme during Apple's bad patch a few years back; it was the Mac users without the requisite patience who succumbed to the power of the Dark Side. But what we're talking about goes way beyond that. For example, we're still holding out hope for an Apple-branded handheld computer.

Amazing, isn't it? Steve canned the Newton almost two years ago and told us all that a new Apple handheld replacement would appear sometime in 1999. The closest thing we got was the iBook, which, while it can indeed be held in one hand, isn't exactly what we were hoping for on that front. And yet, here we are-- still waiting, still keeping a glimmer of hope alive by virtue of little rumors that surface from time to time. That's right, we're still holding out hope for that long-fabled Apple-branded Palm device. After all, as faithful viewer Johnny 2000 points out, The Register claims the rollout's due "in the very near future." In fact, their sources report that friends-of-friends have seen "early Apple-branded Palm-style devices in limited production," and even Steve himself dropped a big public hint when he introduced the Palm CEO during last week's keynote address: "We've been doing a lot of work with these guys lately."

And so we wait-- or, at least, some of us do. Katie, AtAT's resident fact-checker and Goddess of Minutiae, has been PDAing with a Palm V since Christmas, and digs it to the fullest. Yours Truly, on the other hand, is content to wait and see what innovations Apple will bring to the platform. Especially since, as faithful viewer Rich Lindsay notes, Apple just registered the domain name newton.com this past October; currently, loading up www.newton.com simply brings up Apple's home page, but we can't help but wonder just what Apple's got up its big, roomy sleeves...

 
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors
 

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 1/9/00 episode:

January 9, 2000: Apple is really close to unveiling their Palm-based handheld. Really! Any day now! Meanwhile, Woz speaks out on Steve Jobs for President, and Apple's design influence extends to the highway...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 2024: Hail To The Chief (1/9/00)   Who's laughing now, folks? See, a couple of months ago we suggested that Steve Jobs should consider leaping into the bloody fray commonly known as the 2000 Presidential race-- but we were scoffed at and ridiculed by non-believers...

  • 2025: But Is It Crash-Proof? (1/9/00)   Is Apple getting into the automotive business? Nah, they're subcontracting it all out. The last big "Mac car" was the new Volkswagen Beetle, which everyone and their grandmothers compared to the iMac; they both came out in 1998, they're cute and curvy, they appeal to roughly the same demographic, and their ad campaigns (the product spinning against a stark background with minimal black text) were startlingly similar...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(1237 votes)

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