Couch Preservation (1/16/00)

Ah, technology-- our cruel master and willing slave. Technology's greatest promise is not to extend the human life span, or cure all disease, or create a really fine-tasting low-fat potato chip. No, the real goal of technology, the one that keeps all these advances rolling forward, is this: to make it unnecessary for us human beings ever to have to leave the couch again. Believe us, after this twisted mutant space-virus invaded AtAT headquarters this past week, we can appreciate more than ever the importance of staying on the couch as much as humanly possible. The promise of a sedentary, TV-infused lifestyle rife with snack foods: technology's greatest gift.

Unfortunately, there are some misguided souls who see all these new advances in technology as somehow detrimental to the fabric of society. Take those folks over at Nike, for example; sure, they've had some wonderfully entertaining commercials over the years, but the primary message has always been "get up and do something athletic." (Well, okay, the real primary message has been "get up and buy stuff with our logo on it," but that other message is in there, too.) And now Nike's latest subversion of technology is described in a Wired article: TV commercials that end in cliffhangers, directing viewers to visit to see what happens. The idea is to "lure potatoes off their couches" and away from their TV sets. Diabolical! Who can save our endangered couch-centric lifestyle from such a heinous threat?

Fret not, because it's Apple to the rescue! (Insert trumpet fanfare here.) See, your friendly neighborhood AtAT staff just happened to be well into an extended couch-sitting session when we first saw one of these "Whatever" Nike ads on Fox. At the end, the runner was just about to be sliced into ribbons by a bevy of airborne chainsaws-- oh no! However will he escape? Shall we pry our butts from our beloved couch and miss a few precious minutes of The Simpsons to head into the computer room to check? Naw-- as a matter of fact, our butts didn't budge a millimeter thanks to our iBook and the magic of AirPort. A few keystrokes later, and voilà: we were choosing our own endings and watching them in QuickTime format. Okay, okay, so an Apple technology is a part of Nike's dastardly anti-couch campaign, but we're sure that was Nike's idea, not Apple's. Anyway, we beat the system. Long Live The Couch!

SceneLink (2033)
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The above scene was taken from the 1/16/00 episode:

January 16, 2000: We're back! (Mostly.) The flu plays havoc with the finely-tuned routines established at AtAT headquarters. Meanwhile, Nike tries to use technology to get folks off their couches, but Apple's technology renders that attack useless, and Sotec finally caves on the whole eOne issue, but we still see them sold at the corner computer store...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 2032: Back From The Dead (1/16/00)   We're back! Neither rain nor snow nor dead of night will keep us from our appointed rounds, but a fever of 102.5° will knock me flat on my ass just as quick as the next guy. Yes, originally I was lucky enough only to have been saddled with a bad cold, but like a dork I had to go and push things-- and that flu that's been beating up half the western hemisphere decided to do a happy little tap-dance on the tattered shreds of my immune system.....

  • 2034: Waiting Out The Eyesore (1/16/00)   The Clone Wars, Take Two. The first Clone Wars in which Apple fought took place a few years back, as Mac OS licensees cannibalized Apple's own Mac sales and Steve Jobs ended the struggle with a display of carnage so startling, no one was unaffected...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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