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Cornering The Market (2/2/00)
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Thank heaven for patents! Without them, the already-rampant copying of Apple's innovations would be much, much worse. And according to The Mac Observer, Apple's finally been issued a patent to protect one of its most valuable pieces of intellectual property ever: the hockey puck mouse. You can see the patent for yourself, complete with images, on IBM's patent server.
Yes, it's true; now Apple holds an honest-to-goodness patent on that little round frustrator, thus stymieing industry-wide attempts to copy it in a bid to duplicate the near-unanimous negativity emanating from Apple's user base. Reports from AtAT's nigh-infallible sources indicate that Apple wannabe Dell has been forced to scrap its own round mouse, originally due for inclusion with the next WebPC in response to customer research which indicated a mousing frustration level far below the skyrocketing numbers generated by Apple's user base. Dell is now reported to be hard at work on an alternate design that doesn't infringe on Apple's patent. We understand it's being cast to fit the hand of a left-handed guy in their mail room who has six fingers, and it also employs a rotating spike mechanism to promote further mousing discomfort.
Meanwhile, Microsoft is still reeling from embarrassment that its IntelliMouse Explorer actually garnered kudos from users and reviewers alike, while Apple's newly-patented hockey puck still nabs the lion's share of dissatisfaction and bad press. Reportedly those responsible for the IntelliMouse's unintentional popularity have been sacked, and a new team in Redmond is hard at work on a much more frustrating input device, expected to be marketed as the "ImbeciliMouse Deplorer." Early reports indicate that current prototypes are made of soft, smelly cheese and have razor blades poking out at dangerous angles. But fear not, Apple fans-- the boys in Cupertino are a full year and a half ahead of the rest of the industry when it comes to making a mouse that can annoy the widest possible cross-section of the computer-using population. And when it comes to the field of tiny, cramped keyboards, well, Apple's way ahead of the pack.
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SceneLink (2073)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 2/2/00 episode: February 2, 2000: Been missing your daily fill of scandal lately? The iTools Member Agreement has your USRDA and then some. Meanwhile, those of you waiting for faster G4s may be waiting for a good long time, and Apple secures a patent for its reviled hockey puck mouse, thus thwarting industry attempts to clone it...
Other scenes from that episode: 2071: You Post It, We Own It (2/2/00) Hey, kids, it's the latest scandal to rock Cupertino-- iToolsgate! And it's about freakin' time, too, because we haven't seen a good, hearty scandal come out of Apple headquarters since the Great G4 Speed Dump of 1999 and the associated Order Cancellation and Reinstatement Backpedal. Sure, there was the company's withdrawal from Apple Expo 2000 in the UK and that trade show's ensuing collapse, but overseas drama doesn't always play that well to predominantly U.S. crowds. This time around, though, Apple's managed to bake up a scandal that's sure to delight and outrage a wide cross-section of the Mac-using population: faithful viewer Stephen White... 2072: The Need For Speed (2/2/00) So, uh, are you as disappointed by the G4 as we are? The chip, we mean, not the Mac-- the Power Mac G4 is one gorgeous hunk of plastic, and its Graphite-and-Ice enclosure would score highly even if the processor at its core were, say, that of a Texas Instruments Speak & Spell...
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