It Was No Akamai (3/24/00)

If the notion that Microsoft might walk away from "Redmond Justice" with just another slap on the wrist has you down on the whole concept of karma, maybe a quick look at eMachines will perk you up. We'd call it "poetic justice," except that darn near nothing about eMachines can rightfully be called "poetic"-- c'mon, they make ugly boxes and sell them cheap. Where's the poetry in that? And surprisingly enough, Wall Street appears to agree-- and is trading accordingly.

See, eMachines just had its long-awaited IPO. But when we say "long-awaited," it looks like the only one who'd been waiting long for eMachines to go public was eMachines itself. The investor community reportedly responded to the IPO with a deafening vote of indifference, with just a smidge of "no confidence" thrown in for variety's sake. Listen to these numbers: according to a CNET article, eMachines public stock was proposed at $9 a share, opened at $8.38, never got higher than $10, and actually closed at $8.25-- down three-quarters of a point. We have to assume that eMachines was just a leetle bit disappointed.

Sure, some people are claiming that the flaccid eMachines IPO was due to concerns about maintaining profitability in the ultra-cheap computer market, but we all know the real story, right? It's all about the eOne. The universe has apportioned its justice: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a lame IPO for an iMac copycat. So there you go-- steal another company's product design, and watch your IPO flop like a bag of wet cheese. Say, when's Future Power going public? Because if eMachines got smacked down by the powers that be for peddling the eOne, we can only imagine what the universe has in store for the monsters that created the E-Power...

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The above scene was taken from the 3/24/00 episode:

March 24, 2000: In a rare Friday night episode, AtAT follows the latest startling development in the "Redmond Justice" saga-- Jackson says settle by Tuesday, or it's verdict time. Meanwhile, the eMachines IPO falls flat; is it karmic justice for the eOne?...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 2177: "You'll Be Swell!..." (3/24/00)   Can it be? Can "Redmond Justice" really be drawing to a close? It may surprise you to hear that courtroom testimony in the highly-rated antitrust drama has actually been over for nine months now. Yes, nine months-- in the time since the last witness left the stand, a human child could have been conceived, carried to term, and brought into the world crying as if at the sheer wretchedness of Microsoft's crimes, and yet we still have neither a settlement nor a verdict...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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