Lastly, a quickie rant. You've all seen the Gates-in-a-sweater commercial, in which a kinder, gentler Bill croaks on about "innovation" and how Microsoft has made the world a better place by making PCs easy to use, providing people with the tools they need to prosper in the digital age, and eradicating world hunger and all forms of disease. You probably also noticed that the public and the press generally reacted to this thinly-veiled ploy to garner public support in the shadow of a devastating antitrust "guilty" verdict with a collective eye-roll and a mild dose of disbelief.

So no, for the most part it looked like Bill's fireside chat didn't give the company much support. We'd like to think that most people know a scam when they see one, and also that they're typically turned off by shameless behavior. (Okay, so we're eternal optimists. Sue us.) But the really crazy thing is that now there's a sequel. Did you see this new version? Now it's Steve Ballmer (sans sweater) on camera, talking about Microsoft's vast contributions to the advancement of the human race, and he concludes the thirty-second spot with Microsoft's new mantra, "the best is yet to come."

Now, after the AtAT staff responded with hoots of manic laughter and a collective "oh, brother," we tried to imagine the marketing meeting at which this plan was concocted. "Something's wrong," the ad director said. "People aren't responding well to Mr. Gates, even though that sweater had a sincerity index of 93.6." "Our numbers show that people don't trust him," a marketing analyst chimed in, "because he looks like a geek and he sounds like Marvin the Martian channeling the spirit of Kermit the Frog." "Well, then there's only one thing to do-- we'll bring out the big guns. Let's put Ballmer up there in his place," said the director. And that, kiddies, is the story of how Microsoft considered Steve Ballmer-- a big, chunky, balding guy who looks like Drew's brother's less-attractive stunt double-- a step up from Bill Gates in terms of trustworthiness and charisma. Next in the "Best Is Yet To Come" series of commercials: Microsoft's indispensable role in the new economy will be described on camera by Darth Vader as he strangles a puppy.