Ah, the Apple USB mouse-- known affectionately to some as "the hockey puck" and not-so-affectionately to others as "that thing I threw out my window." While there are a few of us lurking about who actually like its fingertip-oriented design, the vast majority of people with hands consider its circular shape and tiny dimensions to be the input device equivalent of a pair of stiletto heels that's two sizes too small. Made out of 80 grit sandpaper. With real stilettos inside. Anyway, you get the picture.

Apple has long been rumored to be working on a more "professional" (read: "useable") mouse to ship at least with its Power Mac models, and hopefully with its entire desktop line. When the dirt-dishers speak in whispers of the legendary "REAL Mouse," the two most commonly discussed features are an oblong shape (no more "which way is up?" problems) and multiple buttons. Strangely enough, neither of these wished-for characteristics is addressed directly in Apple Insider's latest spiel on this long-rumored project-- at least, not in a good way.

The report makes no mention of the device's shape at all, which means that it might turn out to resemble the Sydney Opera House for all we know. On the subject of buttons, well, if you've been waiting for Apple to ship a two-button unit, you may not like where this new mouse is allegedly going. When Apple designed its first mouse system, it settled on a single-button design and stuck with it over the years, since human interface experts agreed that more buttons simply equals more confusion. Even after Apple adopted contextual menus (invoked with a right-click on Windows), it continued to ship a single-button mouse and forced us to Control-click to pop them up. Needless to say, we weren't terribly pleased at having to put down the remote every so often just to press the Control key. (Then we found FinderPop, but that's a whole 'nother story...)

Well, if Apple Insider is correct, it's time to welcome the next in a long line of Apple innovations-- the no-button mouse. Yes, rather than baffling us with a bevy of user-programmable buttons that may well make our heads explode with options, Apple has gone one step further in its neverending quest to make our computing experiences as Zen-like as possible. Sources claim that users apparently "squeeze or push down" on this new mouse to activate a click. If this sounds like a genuine ergonomic disaster waiting to happen, hey, repetitive stress disorder is a small price to pay for the ultimate in simplicity-- that's the philosophy behind the tiny round mouse in the first place, right? In fact, we're starting to wonder if perhaps this new mouse doesn't have a click function at all, since a click-free computing experience would be nirvana-- simple and safe. Just move the cursor around and look at the pretty Desktop picture...

Oh yeah, we suppose we should mention that this new Apple mouse is reportedly a works-on-any-surface optical unit, like Microsoft's Intellimouse Explorer, and it's also supposedly a mouse without a tail-- Apple's bringing its current obsession with wireless to its input devices. But while some may consider Apple's wireless rip-off of Microsoft's rebranding of Hewlett-Packard technology to be "innovative," we all know where the real innovation lies, right? Down with mouse buttons! You have nothing to lose but your clicks!