It's been done to death by now, but just in case any of you were as unwired as we were this weekend (as we drove doggedly back and forth through Galveston, TX looking in vain for a nonexistent hotel-- don't ask), we simply can't resist discussing one of the more bizarre twists to issue forth from the warped minds of the "Redmond Justice" writers since the show first hit the airwaves lo these many moons ago. Apparently a rumor got started that the government of Canada, our neighbors to the Frosty North, actually offered Microsoft asylum and safe haven. Beset on all sides by the U.S. government's antitrust watchdogs, the Redmond-based giant was reportedly considering picking up and moving its digs a hundred miles north over the border into British Columbia, in a desperate attempt to avoid a corporate breakup. Faithful viewer Brent Marykuca (a Canadian himself) was the first to hook us up with this juicy tale of international intrigue, in the form of a BBC news story.

Reportedly, the Canadian government pretty much said, "well, if the U.S. doesn't want you, your 20,000 jobs and world-affecting economic clout are more than welcome up here, eh?" The BBC notes that such a move would have a "devastating effect on the economy of the north-west corner of the United States." That much is true; which means, of course, that if Canada were able to woo Microsoft over the border, we figure that a declaration of war wouldn't be too far behind. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your level of bloodlust), we don't have to worry about such a South Parkesque scenario right now; as AppleLinks and dozens of other sites now report, whoever came up with that rumor at the BBA was evidently snorting Drano, because Microsoft says it just ain't so.

Given that a relocation across the border 1) isn't practical and 2) wouldn't protect Microsoft from the long arm of the antitrust law anyway, we're going to have to assume that the rumors are just vapor. That hasn't stopped the likes of The Register from having lots of fun with the idea of Microsoft retreating to "Billfeld Island" to conquer the world, as pointed out by faithful viewer Russell Swan-- who also notes that Bill Gates really does own a secret island: Palmyra Island in the Pacific. Hmmm... And faithful viewer Matthew Guerrieri notes the following: "You know, Steve Ballmer does kind of look like Inspector Fenwick. And Bill does kind of talk like Dudley. And Steve Jobs does kind of look like Snidely Whiplash." There is something going on...