A Whole New Direction (6/18/00)
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Who says rumors are always false? Faithful viewer Navarro Parker clued us in; according to CNET, it's really happened-- Bungie, the formerly Mac-only company who has always demonstrated undying support for the Mac gaming community, has sold itself to Microsoft. Bungie is leaving its tiny burg of Chicago, IL and moving on up to Redmond, where it will become a "separate development studio within the Microsoft games division," focusing its development efforts on titles for Microsoft's new Xbox game console. While some of you might expect us to slam Bungie for this move, you couldn't be further off the mark. On the contrary, we'd like to extend our sincere congratulations to Bungie for taking such a lucrative step. Three cheers for everyone's favorite game company division, Bungie! Honestly, we don't blame them one bit.

By the way, on a completely unrelated note, we suppose we should put an end to some other rumors that have been floating around out there. No, the eyewitnesses weren't mistaken; they did indeed see high-ranking Microsoft executives visiting AtAT's Boston-area studios over the past few weeks. We'd like to take this opportunity to announce that, in exchange for a really, really attractive infusion of capital from the Pacific Northwest, AtAT will be undergoing a few changes-- nothing drastic, mind you, but we feel that total disclosure is the best policy in these situations, so we'd like to tell you about some of the positive evolutionary advancements you'll be seeing in this time slot shortly.

First of all, AtAT is switching networks, and will soon be broadcasting as a wholly-owned (but independent!) subsidiary of MSN-- a vast improvement over our current arrangement, since Microsoft's outstanding network reach will allow our show to be viewed by a wider audience than ever before. Secondly, you'll be noticing a steady improvement in the quality of AtAT's content. Currently, AtAT employs a single part-time writer who can barely crank out the show as it is, what with a full-time day job and all. Following the Microsoft deal, he'll have even less time available to write AtAT, since he'll also need to devote several hours a day to the onerous chore of spending all that sweet sell-out money. But fear not, because Microsoft has kindly agreed to replace his sleep-deprived, borderline-psychotic scribblings with a professionally-crafted, industry-leading soap opera turned out by the team who formerly wrote the critically-acclaimed but commercially nonviable primetime soap "Models Inc."-- with Steve Ballmer overseeing the total creative process. We are thrilled by the positive changes this move will bring our faithful viewers who stuck with us from the beginning.

Oh, we almost forgot: AtAT's content will soon be optimized for Microsoft Internet Explorer, ensuring that users of that particular browser will enjoy uninterrupted dramatic bliss. Users of other browsers may notice ghosted images, a fuzzy picture, and garbled dialogue, but we figured that's no big deal, since IE's the default browser for the Mac anyway. (Note: users of IE on the Mac may experience the same poor reception to a lesser degree. Should this occur, a migration to IE on a Windows-based PC is recommended for optimum viewer enjoyment. We have also heard that users of iCab in particular may see nothing but large block letters accusing them of being commies. This is merely a side-effect of that browser's shoddy design, and again, a migration to the standard browser-- preferably on the standard platform-- is the ideal solution.)

Lastly, there are a couple of things that are so minor we scarcely feel it necessary to point them out, but again-- full disclosure, and all that. "As the Apple Turns" will formally change its name to "As the Sweater Spins," all references to the now-competing show "Redmond Justice" will be happily eliminated in future episodes, and via the magic of digital editing made possible by Microsoft's upcoming innovative consumer-level video tools in Windows ME, all references to Microsoft in AtAT's two and a half years of reruns will be dubbed to say "Oracle" instead. We hope you enjoy our new direction, as we move to the next level of our undying commitment to entertaining you, our faithful audience. Now excuse us, as we've got to go buy a yacht or three.


 
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The above scene was taken from the 6/18/00 episode:

June 18, 2000: Bungie sells out to Microsoft-- and AtAT follows suit. Meanwhile, AirPort shows signs of increasing use in airports, and Microsoft admits the merest possibility of a breakup in a filing with the SEC...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 2363: What's In A Name (6/18/00)   How many of you assumed that Apple's name choice for its wireless networking technology was simply a clever play on words? You know, like "Air" as in transmissions sent wirelessly through the air, and "Port" as in the thing you plug a network cable into...

  • 2364: Moment Of Doubt (6/18/00)   It's a time-honored dramatic device: the fearless leader who sits straight-backed in the saddle as he insists to his followers that victory is assured, but slumps in self-doubt when no one else is looking...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

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