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Sticking To Our Guns (7/19/00)
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Okay, we know most of you won't be tuning in until after The Lovely And Talented Steve Jobs is done wowing the crowd with tales of cubic Macs and ergonomic mice and a new line of Apple-branded kitchen appliances. But seeing as our only chance to broadcast today's episode is before we go wait in line to get into the keynote, you're not going to see anything here that discusses what actually happened at said keynote-- there's a timing issue, dig? So what we thought might be fun would be to tell you our final predictions for what will and will not surface at the keynote, and when you tune in immediately after Steve does his thing, you'll either be wowed by our incredible perspicacity and insight, or wonderfully amused by how absolutely, totally, irretrievably wrong we are. Were. Whatever.
And to make it interesting, we're drawing a line in the virtual TV sand-- no waffling. We imagine you're tired of all these "cautious" lists with disclaimers about how "Apple may change its mind at the last minute" or "sources disagree whether or not this product is ready to make an appearance." Geez, talk about once-bitten-twice-shy syndrome. For instance, did you catch the wording over at Mac OS Rumors a couple of days ago? "...considered neither highly likely nor highly unlikely..." "...nearly break-even chance to a Macworld introduction..." "...discussed but not confirmed..." Well, we'll have none of that hedging here at AtAT, boy howdy. Because we've just gotten ourselves an infallible source, so whatever he says, we're sticking to. And here we go:
- The CubeMac: WITHOUT A DOUBT
- A revised G4 in a wider enclosure: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO
- Multiprocessor G4 systems: MY SOURCES SAY NO
- New iMacs: REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN
- New iMacs: YES - DEFINITELY
- New iBooks with FireWire: DON'T COUNT ON IT
- New mouse and keyboard: AS I SEE IT, YES
- Mac OS X public beta: YOU MAY RELY ON IT
- Mac OS 9.5: OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD
- Apple retail stores: ASK AGAIN LATER
- Apple handheld: CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN
- Apple handheld: VERY DOUBTFUL
- Disney-Apple buyout: OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD
- Apple retail stores: VERY DOUBTFUL
- Steve's home planet has seized control of the U.S. military: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO
So there you have it. Our pre-keynote predictions, which we're 100% confident will all come true exactly as stated, no ifs, ands, or D'oh!s. Yes, we're that sure of our new source. He doesn't say much, and he refuses to identify himself as anything other than "Number 8," but man, does he ever inspire confidence!
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SceneLink (2425)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 7/19/00 episode: July 19, 2000: It's Keynote Day, so take one last look at AtAT's 100% No-Waffling Prediction List before the festivities begin. Meanwhile, Apple beats the analysts yet again, though that revenue's lookin' a little on the thin side, and the AtAT staff discovers the true joy of Amtrak: the ability to use an iBook comfortably while traveling...
Other scenes from that episode: 2426: It's A Twelve-Peat (7/19/00) Chalk up another one for Fred and the gang; according to an Apple press release, last quarter marked Apple's eleventh consecutive one in the black. And by our count, that makes it twelve consecutive Street-beating quarters, proving once again that underestimating Apple is a national pastime on par with baseball and filing frivolous lawsuits... 2427: Back On The Train, Gang (7/19/00) You know, this particular episode was produced as our corporeal forms passed through four of these United States as we wound our way to the annual Mac Mecca at the Javits Center, and we can honestly say that this has been the least stressful trip we've taken down here...
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