Get ready to turn off that monitor and kick it dead-tree style, because there's a new gritty tell-all celebrity exposé coming out soon-- and it's about none other than Uncle Steve himself. Yes, Alan Deutschman's The Second Coming of Steve Jobs promises to be a real page-turner when it hits the shelves on September 12th, assuming that USA Today isn't kidding about the mud oozing forth from within. And how could any book about the world's most mercurial iCEO be anything but dramatic? Think of it this way: if Steve Jobs himself called the book a "hatchet job" before it was even written, well, dish us up a heaping slice of that drama and don't skimp on the Hip Whip.

Care to sample some of the juicy morsels contained within? One business associate likens Steve to Charles Foster Kane. Another feared that Steve would take his own life following his 1985 ousting from Apple. Instead, the once and future king considered other options before starting up NeXT, such as "selling PCs in Cold War Russia; a bid for the U.S. Senate in California; serving on the space shuttle Challenger; and living in seclusion in the south of France." (That last one, incidentally, seems wholly unbelievable to us. Where's the drama in that?!) And there's reportedly plenty of dirt on friction between Steve and Pixar director John Lasseter, whom Jobs allegedly "tried to unload" on Microsoft before he realized that Toy Story would become a hit.

But wait-- there's more! Order now and you'll also get "details on the 45-year-old Jobs' family, his biological parents... and his star-crossed personal life." Sadly, the article provides no details of said details, so whether the book's chronicling of his "star-crossed personal life" makes any reference to, say, late-'70s tag-team oil-wrestling matches with Linda Ronstadt and Jane Fonda over at Larry Ellison's disco pad remains to be seen. We can but hope. Regardless, consider this one on AtAT's pre-order list; we figure it's just the thing to tide us over while we wait for the new TV season to start. Anyone want to start a pool on when the libel suit will be filed?