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Comparative Anatomy 101 (8/8/00)
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Today's quickie: faithful viewers Jerry O'Neil and Russell Maggio both pointed out an article in The Register which proves that corporate subtlety is alive and well. Our former Paragon of Tact was none other than Michael Dell, whose October '97 public comment that if he were in charge of Apple he'd "shut it down and give the money back to the shareholders" reigned for nearly three solid years. But sadly, now Mike's got to turn the crown over to Thom Duncan, a senior editor over at Novell's DeveloperNet. Thom definitely went one better than Mike's catty comment: he actually posted a clear, well-thought-out, public web page explaining why Windows is just like his infected gall bladder.
Sound like a far-fetched comparison? Not at all! Take, for instance, the fact that Thom's ailing gall bladder is both tiny ("micro") and soft (um, "soft"). And that's just for starters: "What does the gall bladder do? No one knows for sure. The same with Windows." More to the point, when the gall bladder is "removed, the body works perfectly fine without it." And there's an even more startling similarity: the gall bladder apparently "makes you throw up." After having spent five hours in Windows Hell a week ago (followed by five minutes, er, "recycling breakfast"), we can attest to the truth of that similarity ourselves. (Okay, so we didn't actually vomit. If we had been using an honest-to-badness Wintel box instead of VirtualPC, though, we probably would have.)
But the most incredible coincidence of all is this-- when comparing Windows to a diseased gall bladder, one truth becomes painfully self-evident: "They're both sacks of bile." Say no more, Thom-- we're convinced. And congratulations on becoming the new AtAT Paragon of Tact; someone's going to have to work pretty hard to unseat you from your lofty station. We doubt anything short of a fully-nude public spectacle in which a CEO issues a curse-laden diatribe against the competition could suffice.
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SceneLink (2469)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 8/8/00 episode: August 8, 2000: The Cubes are ready, but the mouses aren't. See what you can do to help. Meanwhile, protesters at the Democratic National Convention hang a banner alongside Apple's "Think Different" posters, and a senior editor at Novell's DeveloperNet notices Windows's striking resemblance to his ailing gall bladder...
Other scenes from that episode: 2467: Boycott Glasses, Get A Cube (8/8/00) Despite some encouraging progress on the delivery front, a few of the shiny new Macs announced at the Expo continue to be a little tricky to grab. The Cube, in particular, presents a challenge; some viewers report that their local dealers will have them in stock "any day now" and ready to unload on people willing to drop $1799 on the world's first gigaflop tissue box, while others bemoan their order's ever-increasing lead time from the Apple Store... 2468: Think Nonviolent Protest (8/8/00) As a general rule, we like to keep everyday politics well away from AtAT's complex and interweaving plotlines. Dramatic and explicitly Apple-related stuff like Steve Jobs's covert plans to control the world's Tang resources is okay, but we shy away from even something as mundane as White House extramarital indiscretions; despite the subject's overt soap opera qualities, it's just been done to death, and frankly we can't find it particularly theatrical...
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