It's time to welcome the newest cast member to join Apple's little drama, folks: put your hands together for Dr. Arthur D. Levinson! Art, the CEO and chairman of Genentech Inc., is the latest addition to Apple's happy little board of directors, according to a company press release first pointed out to us by faithful viewer Porsupah. Steve himself states that he and the rest of the board "look forward to [Art's] insight and counsel" as the group prepares to take Apple to strange new levels.

AtAT sources report that Art was formally inducted in a time-honored secret hazing ceremony held deep beneath One Infinite Loop. Cowled robes, torches, and blood-oaths figured prominently (and we hear tell that Larry Ellison swings a mean paddle). Rumors that Apple board inductees must walk barefoot across a bed of blazing-hot Pentiums to demonstrate their mettle remain unsubstantiated to this day. Whatever the initiation, though, apparently Art emerged with his sanity intact and no visible scars, so we look forward to his own special contributions to the seven-member consortium whose insidious power and global influence make the Illuminati look like a Tupperware party in comparison.

So the question on everyone's lips is, why Art? Well, let's take a look at his qualifications, shall we? He's got a deep background in the hard sciences, having been at Genentech for the past twenty years in various research and management positions, eventually becoming CEO in 1995 and chairman of the board last year. His company is at the forefront of biotechnology and cranks out genetically-engineered treatments for cystic fibrosis and Hodgkin's lymphoma, among other disorders. The man has served on the editorial boards of several biotech publications and is active in a slew of scientific organizations. In short, he's Science Dude. Now, remember when Apple recruited Mickey Drexler of Gap Inc.? Obviously that was an attempt to harness Mickey's extensive knowledge of retail and consumer styling. So by extrapolation, we see two possibilities as to Art's value: either Apple is looking to strengthen its position in the science and technology sector, or, given that four of nine of Genentech's listed products are based around synthesized human growth hormone, Apple's looking to breed larger translucent computers capable of conquering puny earthlings and their pitifully primitive weapons. (Longtime viewers will have little trouble guessing which option we're leaning towards.)

By the way, word on the street is that Steve and the gang are looking to induct two more board members so they can take on Mike Dell's team in the Intercorporate Softball League, High-Tech Division. If you're a Type A personality bent on world domination with a dozen or so years of experience as the CEO of a top-flight, Fortune 500 company (and you can swing a bat like a wild ape on crystal meth), drop Steve a line at steve@mac.com. Make sure to include your batting average and ERA for your last three seasons.