Wouldn't you know it? Mere moments after we introduced what we hoped would be a delightfully wacky and subversive mental image (Steve Jobs recalling defective Twentieth Anniversary Macintosh units just so he could smash them to bits with a heavy blunt instrument), word came down that the whole "recall for mass destruction" concept isn't all that deranged after all. According to the PowerBook Zone, hot on the heels of Apple's "send us your TAM, we'll send you a G4" service plan comes a similar scheme for the owners of certain Amelio-era laptops out there. From now until the end of the month, there's a bounty on the heads of the crash-prone, bezel-cracking, PC-looking PowerBook 5300 and 190 series laptops. Apple wants them dead or alive, and the reward is $700 off the cost of a Pismo PowerBook via the Apple Store.

And we say "dead or alive," we mean it-- Apple will seriously cut you a $700 price break on a brand new 400 MHz PowerBook ($1799 instead of $2499) if you send in a 5300 or 190 in any condition. Even if you send them a fully-working, pristine-looking, fresh-out-of-the box 5300, they will only 1) marvel at how well you've taken care of your precious piece of delicate computer equipment over the years, and then 2) proceed to destroy it through the liberal application of low-grade explosives or some other such means. Apple is actively seeking out these problematic Amelioisms for the sole purpose of getting them off the streets and sending them straight to Silicon Hell. That's how much they'd love to see these things gone.

Which means, if you've got a dead 190 sitting in the back of your closet somewhere, dig it up-- its carcass is worth a small fortune. And if you're still poking along on a PowerBook 5300 which is being held together with duct tape and prayers and last felt reasonably fast sometime during the Carter administration, by all means, send it in and collect your bounty in the form of a FireWire PowerBook for the price of an iBook Special Edition. In fact, since Apple's collecting these things "in any condition," feel perfectly free to whomp the living bejeezus out of your system before you send it in. A few bullet holes or tire tracks won't make any difference to Apple-- those guys are just going to toss the thing into a wood chipper whether it works or not. (While we generally frown on violence to Macs of any kind, we're willing to make an exception for the 5300/190 PowerBooks, which have caused us no end of grief over the years. Go nuts.)

If the idea of a PowerBook 5300 trade-up program sounds familiar, it's probably because, as faithful viewer Jim Weir points out, Apple offered a similar deal a couple of years ago; back then, a used 5300 got you a good deal on a new Wall Street PowerBook G3. As Jim notes, it wasn't long after that promotion ended that Apple unveiled the new Lombard PowerBooks. Apply that data to this new scenario however you may wish. Personally, we choose the obvious interpretation-- new speed-bumped PowerBooks due sometime in September-- but even if that's the case, a 400 MHz PowerBook for $1799 is a ridiculously good deal, no matter what Apple cranks out next. It'd have to have an integrated tricorder and Slurpee dispenser to be a better value than Apple's 5300 bounty deal. Now get digging for those dead PowerBooks!