Surely there isn't a soul alive who still doubts that Microsoft's not-so-secret agenda behind the development of Internet Explorer was the elimination of Netscape as a competitor and the Microsoftization of the Internet, right? The facts are all pretty bald: the company poured millions of dollars into making a product for which it has never charged a dime, it bundled the product as the default web browser in its own operating systems when Netscape's offering was still better, and it even used threats and monopoly muscle to "persuade" Apple to make Internet Explorer the default browser instead of Netscape. Remember, all this happened before IE on either platform became much better than the only major alternative. It was a great (though apparently illegal) strategy: use market power to gain market share until, after lots of development, the product could finally compete well on its own merits. More and more the 'net is turning into "IE everywhere," especially now that Netscape's development process has apparently been incurably crippled by Microsoft's weight.

So that's all pretty obvious. But how many of you were aware that Microsoft's true motive for the proliferation of Internet Explorer is nothing less than total global domination? It's true! Faithful viewer Brant Sears was poking around Microsoft's site for information on various Macintosh products, and found a page which is very telling indeed. At broadcast time, the page in question listed "Microsoft Internet Explorer 5 Macintosh Edition" under the heading of "Macintosh Internet Technologies," as one might expect-- but the same product also appears in every single other category, including Macintosh Games, Macintosh Development Tools, Macintosh Operating Systems & Servers, Macintosh Business Software, Macintosh Home Productivity, Macintosh Reference, Macintosh Kids, Macintosh Online Services, and even Macintosh Hardware.

The secret is out! IE isn't just a browser. Heck, it isn't even just an "inseparable component of the operating system," as Microsoft would like the courts to believe. IE is, according to Microsoft's web site, all things to all people. It's an operating system, an office suite, a golf simulation, and a next-generation input device. It's a floor wax and a dessert topping. It slices, it dices, it makes Julienne fries and still cuts right through this steel can. Soon you'll store your frozen foods in it and take it for a spin down to the beach. You'll hang your clothes on it, cook your food in it, use it to keep dry when it's raining, and drink it for a burst of non-fat energy. In short, soon Internet Explorer will be everywhere-- and not just on the 'net. Now you know why it's called "IE." Aaaaiiiiieeeeeeeee!!