|
...Now With Extra Bile! (10/6/00)
|
 
|
| | |
In today's fast-paced, work-a-day world, it's not always easy to get the nourishment your moral compass needs to thrive and survive. Oh, sure, the nightly news is chock full of sound-byte atrocities that might give your sense of moral outrage a quick burst of energy, and the newspaper can provide you with plenty of dressed-down stories about the darker side of human nature, but it's all just empty calories-- and no one can live on junk food forever. That's why we always like to start our morning off with a big, brimming bowl of Unmitigated Gall™... from Microsoft!
Yes, Unmitigated Gall-- the only reliable corporate chutzpah that's guaranteed to turn your stomach with righteous indignation. Microsoft has been injecting a healthy dose of Unmitigated Gall into every episode of the popular courtroom drama "Redmond Justice" since the show first graced the airwaves years ago. Simply watching the show provides you with 100% of the U.S. recommended daily allowance of outrage and disbelief to really get those cheeks burning and the juices eating away at your stomach lining. Feel morally superior while simultaneously being ashamed to be a member of the same species as a team of people who can be so brazen in their transparent ploys. Now that's satisfaction!
To see how Unmitigated Gall works its magic, let's take today's show as an example. According to The Register, Microsoft stunned the world by breaking years of precedent and filing something early for a change-- though, of course, what it filed was a proposal demanding longer-than-usual courtroom briefs and a five-month appeal schedule obviously meant to grind the legal process to an even more agonizingly slow pace. "But AtAT," we hear you say, "there's no Unmitigated Gall in that, is there?" Patience, friends! The Unmitigated Gall comes as a coda-- in which Microsoft actually blames the Department of Justice for delaying the outcome of the case by trying to bypass the appeals court and go straight to the top. Ladies and gentlemen, we have gall... and it is unmitigated! Feel that gut churn? Now you're ready to take on the world! "Microsoft: Offending People At A Gut Level Since 1975!"
| |
| |
 |
SceneLink (2597)
|  |
 |
|
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
| | | |
|
| |
|
 | | The above scene was taken from the 10/6/00 episode: October 6, 2000: Still panicking over last week's earnings warning and subsequent stock slide? Robert Cringely puts the current Apple financial crisis in perspective. Meanwhile, Apple acknowledges that some Cubes are possessed by mischievous power-cycling entities, and Microsoft blames the government for dragging the "Redmond Justice" case out too long...
Other scenes from that episode: 2595: How To Spot A Raving Nut (10/6/00) Some people are borderline, sure, but some others you just know are crazy. We're talking about those folks who so obviously have a hole in their marble bag that any additional evidence of severe mental illness is purely superfluous... 2596: Exorcising Those Phantoms (10/6/00) Something verrry fishy's going down with them newfangled Cubes Apple has been releasing into the Mac ecosystem lately. We're not talking about the cracks-- or the "mold lines," or the mold lines that might have a tendency to crack, or whatever it is that most of the Cube Controversy Crowd is obsessing over these days...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
|
|
