Uh-oh, the platform wars have suddenly taken a decidedly personal turn. Apparently Bill Gates got tired of being classified as the quintessential geek, not to mention the constant stinging jabs at his manhood. Personally, we're having a hard time feeling sorry for a man who could run out at lunch and buy the hemisphere of his choice... plus, you know, he pretty much brought it on himself with the sweater, the haircut, and naming his company "Microsoft." Still, it's never too late to pay for a better first impression, so it seems that Microsoft spent a little time trying to defuse the "PC users are styleless geeks" stereotype-- by proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that "PC users are actually more amorous and better dressed than their Mac counterparts."

According to a LinuxFormat article pointed out by faithful viewers Milo Auckerman and Julie Lewis, Microsoft did some digging into the lifestyle differences between Mac and PC users, and then had its PR agency spread the news. Reportedly, the agency told LinuxFormat that "PC users are more amorous than their Mac cousins." The basis for this broad assumption is the fact that "PC users are three times more likely to go out for a romantic meal as their ideal Saturday night than Mac users." Er, not to put too fine a point on it, but has it occurred to Microsoft to find out if perhaps that's because while the PC users are out stuffing their faces, the Mac users would rather stay home and concern themselves with other organs? Amorous this, buddy...

Then there's the bit about how "PC users have dispelled their nerdy image in the face of 'cool' Mac users by being three times more likely to spend more than £200 per month on their wardrobe." Okay, somebody please explain to us how spending a ton of cash on new clothes every month somehow necessarily equates with being "better dressed." Sorry, folks, but the jury's out on that one until someone actually shows us what kind of clothes those PC users are buying with the money they saved when they opted to purchase that CheapoWorkz iCopy 2300. £200 worth of MCSE golf shirts and matching pocket protectors isn't going to get anyone off the "Fashion Don't" page.

But wait! What's this? The exact same Microsoft PR agency re-interpreted the exact same research results and spun it in a totally different direction for MacFormat, LinuxFormat's sister publication. This time around the company plays up Mac users as "more cultured" and "better lovers" than those who use PCs instead. It seems that Mac users are "four times more likely to watch art house movies," "twice as likely to be enjoying Chardonnay at dinner parties," "twice as likely" to be in relationships, and "11% more likely to make quality time for our partners." (Refer to the "organs" bit above.) Ah, Microsoft... always stirring up trouble. Isn't it so typical of them to foment discontent between Mac and PC users by badmouthing each group to the other? Hey, at least we can all settle on some common ground: apparently nobody likes Liam Gallagher.