Far be it from us to wish harm on any living creature, no matter how much personal satisfaction it might give us. Plus there's that whole sticky issue of court costs, jail time, etc., and our social calendars are way too full to accommodate a few consecutive life sentences right now. That's where the wonderful world of fantasy comes into play. If you're miffed at your boss for, say, stiffing you on a Christmas bonus, don't grab an Uzi and reduce him to a quivering mass of people parts; that's not nice. Instead, close your eyes and visualize his head popping à la Scanners. See? Almost as satisfying, and without all that messy "before turning the gun on himself" action on the six o'clock news.

What we're getting at is that no matter what impression you may have formed of us after digging through three years of Reruns, the truth is, we honestly don't wish Bill Gates any actual physical harm. Sure, he embodies lots of things that we consider less than good (antitrust violations, poor taste, having that much money and still keeping that damn haircut), but he's still a human being, after all. (Probably.) If it were announced tomorrow that the man is suffering from a rare tropical disease that makes his extremities fall off, we'd be genuinely sorry for the man. Okay, okay, so we rejoiced when he got hit with a cream pie-- but that didn't actually hurt the guy.

So, back to the fantasy thing. One of our favorite escapes from the work-a-day world is to go catch a movie. There we can sit in the dark and give ourselves over to fantasy for a couple of hours-- while eating popcorn, to boot. And thanks to a tip from faithful viewer Kent Hull, it looks like we can add another upcoming movie to our must-see list. According to a ZDNet News story, the folks behind last year's motion sickness-inducing The Blair Witch Project are back, and this time they're leaving the potty-mouthed teens alone and killing off Bill Gates instead-- on the big screen, of course. In next year's MacArthur Park, the Microsoft mogul gets assassinated in the first five minutes of the flick while attending a charity event. Was it a lone nut, or a "JFK-level conspiracy"? Pretty soon you'll be able to investigate for yourself, at BillGatesIsDead.com.

First the violent animated cameo in South Park: Bigger, Longer, And Uncut, and now this. Clearly fantasies of Bill getting iced are all the rage in Hollywood right now. Suppose that has anything to do with the Mac's disproportionately high use in the creative world? Naaaahhh...