Evidently times are tough for John Dvorak, because the crusty pundit who belts out tired commentary for PC Magazine has once again decided to promote web traffic by falling back on his long-standing crutch: cheap controversy. Everybody knows that a foaming anti-Apple article will attract droves of traffic from indignant Mac users; no matter how clearly we know we should stay away, we go for the flame-bait like a moth diving into a bug-zapper. And Dvorak knows that the more outrageous the anti-Mac claim, the higher his hit counter will soar-- after all, this is the guy who predicted that the iMac would be a dismal flop, and then went on to far more advanced levels of controversy by lambasting the iBook for being "too girly."

Well, the man's hit a new low; as faithful viewer Timothy Thomas informed us, in a recent article, Dvorak decides to lay the blame for the current slump in the personal computer market squarely on Apple's doorstep. See if you can follow his reasoning, here: 1) Sales are down because "computers are not fun anymore." 2) The reason that computers aren't fun anymore is because they're too complex. 3) The reason that computers are too complex is because they ditched that simple, easy-as-pie command line interface (DOS rocks!!) and moved to the "increased complexity" of the graphical user interface. 4) Therefore, since the Macintosh introduced the world to the first commercially available GUI, the current computer sales slump is entirely the fault of "the Mac and the people who bought it." Get it? Well, try getting a frontal lobotomy first and then see if that helps you follow the logic any better.

See, Dvorak is either smoking something entirely too potent, or he's just being utterly shameless about controversy for traffic's sake, because he goes so far as to call the original Macintosh "the first 'un-fun' computer"-- due, of course, to its lack of that oh-so-fun command line. Furthermore, the Mac didn't even let you experience the heady joys of installing "a handmade BIOS" the way that the IBM PC did. Who were these twisted freaks who actually bought a computer that allowed people to use it without first learning a programming language or earning a degree in electronics?

As usual, reading Dvorak's article (or, worse yet, actually emailing the man about it) will only encourage him to pull similar stunts in the future-- but heck, it is an entertaining glimpse into the mind of a raving psychotic, so if you feel like checking it out, we sure aren't going to stop you. And if you really want to get on Dvorak's good side, judging by his love for DOS and burning his own ROMs, he'd probably really appreciate a tax audit, a series of painful rabies shots, and a full-body wax if you can arrange it.