We fear change, and so these rumors that Apple is looking to jettison its whole iNaming convention fills us with dread. Faithful viewer dzhim informs us that the dirt-digging elves over at Mac OS Rumors claim to have gotten their mitts on "internal Apple documents" indicating that the era of iMacs, iBooks, iTools, iCards, iDisks, iMovie, iTunes, iDVD, iServices, iSchool, etc. might be drawing to a close. Why? Well, somebody at Apple feels that "the 'i' naming convention is too watered down." Say what? That's preposterous! Why, we can think of at least a half-dozen words that haven't been prefixed with an "i" yet!

Instead, we prefer to blame this potentially life-altering change on the giant smoking hole in the middle of Wall Street we've dubbed "Dotcom Crater"; sticking an "i" in front of a word is just begging people to start thinking about the plunging NASDAQ, and that's probably not a good strategy for getting consumers into a spending frame of mind. For whatever reason, though, iNames are "losing their appeal in the marketplace," and so Apple is reportedly scrambling to come up with a new naming scheme for its consumer-oriented products and services. New naming schemes like what, you ask? Sorry, Mac OS Rumors has no answers-- bar a half-hearted mention of "EasyMac," which "just doesn't roll off the tongue well."

We tend to agree, and we bet that's a huge relief to Kraft Foods, since their Easy Mac product is supposed to go into mouths, not come back out of them. Heck, why not go whole hog? Faithful viewer Nina Tovish votes for "CheezyMac," instead, since she digs "anything with orange food coloring in it, especially if it's microwavable." Sure, Tangerine was never a blisteringly hot seller, but just wait until Apple unleashes a cheese-colored Mac upon the world. Sales to junk food addicts and Wisconsin alone will break all known records. (Will these things come in blue boxes?)

In any case, MOSR reports that Apple will be retaining the names "iMac" and "iBook" for at least one more product revision, so we'll all have time to make the adjustment. If you ask us, though, now that the market has flushed most of the non-Apple iStuff out to sea (well, with the exception of Compaq's deliriously original iPAQ), we figure the company should hang on tight and make the "i" its own again. But as resistant to change as we are, we're not going to adopt a "you'll take our iNames when you pry them from our cold, dead iFingers" attitude. Hey, here's an idea... what if they dump the "i" and start using an "e" instead? Someone get Steve on the horn!