Breathe easy, PowerBook G4 owners; despite the events that unfolded on Friday night when a bomb scare shut down Burbank Airport for six hours, your titanium buddy is not an explosive hazard after all. And it's a darn good thing, too-- do you realize how tough it is to acquire a decent bomb suit as a civilian? Even eBay (which rarely lets us down) only has bomb squad t-shirts, hats, and patches-- none of which sound like they offer much protection.

In fact, now you can relax still further, because it's come to our attention that trying to push your PowerBook through airport security will generally not get you tossed into a holding cell at gunpoint and interrogated about recent terrorist activities. As it turns out, it wasn't even titanium residue that caused Friday's false-positive bomb test and ensuing ruckus, as previously suspected; according to a revised LA Times article we found by way of The Register, it wasn't the PowerBook that failed the swab test, but rather the bag in which it was carried, which "contained residue of a chemical commonly used to make explosives." Furthermore, "authorities ruled out initial suspicions that titanium in the laptop had triggered the false reading."

The moral of the story, kids, is that if you want to avoid embarrassing hold-ups at the airport, never mix your explosives in your PowerBook's bag, even if all your mixing bowls are dirty. Do the frickin' dishes and make your bombs right; using your laptop case as a makeshift explosive-mixing container may seem like a clever time-saving strategy, but you're just going to lose time in the long run when you get detained by the FBI. (We'd love to hear the "plausible explanation" of how the chemical residue got in the man's bag in the first place, but sadly, it's not included.)

Further travel tips extracted from this whole mess: for one thing, it's evidently unwise to try to get through an airport security checkpoint while stinking drunk and still clutching a bottle of vodka. Reportedly the guy was "not in a normal state to participate in questioning," which undoubtedly slowed things down a little. Oh, and "household items such as garden fertilizer or gasoline can trigger false alarms indicating chemical residue," so it's probably best to stop using your TiBook as a makeshift spade, and we recommend using an approved gas can to transport your gasoline instead of just pouring it in your laptop case. Following these simple guidelines will get you on that plane in no time, and once you're airborne, you can use your 'Book to your heart's content-- bomb suit optional.