As the Apple Turns: Scene 3231: Ready For The Bash-A-Thon (8/9/01)

Ready For The Bash-A-Thon (8/9/01)

Oh, now this sounds like a hoot and a half... Faithful viewer Nina Tovish pointed out an interesting announcement in today's San Jose Mercury News: apparently, SiliconValley.com (the paper's "online partner") is planning to host a little virtual get-together next week-- an "online round table discussion," as they call it. The topic of this little shindig? "The present and future of Apple Computer." Sounds pleasant, right?

But wait just an Apple-bashing minute, here-- check out the roster of participants they've managed to scrape together for the big event: "former Apple Chief Executive Gil Amelio, industry analyst Tim Bajarin, Mercury News reporter Jon Fortt, former Apple product division president Jean-Louis Gassée and former Macintosh product manager Jef Raskin." That doesn't sound like a particularly well-balanced panel to us. If anything, it sounds like the premise for a bad TV sitcom called "Rotten To The Core." "Join us next week for laughs aplenty when Gil pours sugar in the fuel tank of Steve Jobs's jet while Jean-Louis tries to teach Jef how to say 'Mac OS X sucks rocks' in French and hilarity ensues. Don't miss it!"

Yes, we can't wait to hear the new and creative ways in which this panel tears Apple a new orifice. Presumably Gil's going to be rattling off the same old "they'd be doing fine if they'd have stuck to the Master Plan I gave them" routine. Gassée, well, he's not exactly an impartial observer, either; sure, he used to work for Apple, but he left and started up Be, whose operating system Apple almost bought as the basis for what is now known as Mac OS X. Instead, Apple went with Steve's NeXT operating system, and Be is currently floundering badly. We expect thinly-veiled bitterness. Next up: Jon Fortt, who recently wrote an article called "Mac platform good to a point" that basically said Windows XP is going to kick Mac OS X's butt because it's got really great "built-in instant messaging capabilities." Oooooo. And Jef Raskin, widely regarded as the Father of the Macintosh? Well, he went on record last March saying that Mac OS X isn't worth the upgrade, because it's just "another face-lift" with "an awful lot of minuses." We'll see if the imminent 10.1 version has changed his mind at all.

So we've got four panelists with an axe to grind about Apple, or at least about Mac OS X (and this is about the "future of Apple," remember). As for Tim Bajarin, well, we've certainly got nothing against him-- he was the one who recently wrote that once the PC price war is over, the two main contenders left in the consumer market are likely to be Sony and Apple. But when you stick five people in a room and the most Apple-positive one turns out to be the "industry analyst," clearly you're looking at the "online round table discussion" equivalent of a mob hit. If you'd care to tune in for the carnage, reportedly "the discussion will begin Monday at 9 a.m. and end at noon Aug. 16." Whoa, seventy-five consecutive hours of probably Apple-bashing with only a lone industry analyst to defend (maybe) Apple's honor? What could possibly be more entertaining?

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The above scene was taken from the 8/9/01 episode:

August 9, 2001: Yesterday we mentioned that Intel might have to start countering the Megahertz Myth; today it looks like AMD might be joining the fight, too. Meanwhile, SiliconValley.com has lined up one ugly mob to discuss "the future of Apple Computer," and a Wintel user with at least a slight appreciation for style does something unspeakable to a Power Mac G4...

Other scenes from that episode:

3230: Megahertz Envy Is So '90s (8/9/01) You all know the drill by now: Apple innovates, the rest of the industry scoffs, time passes, and the rest of the industry plays follow-the-leader while counting on the public to have forgotten who came up with the innovation in the first place...
3232: Only Skin Deep? Yeah, Right (8/9/01) We've witnessed some pretty horrible things done to Macs over the years-- the iMac shot up by a pistol-packin' oaf for an Epinions commercial springs immediately to mind-- but even that senseless act of Mac abuse pales in comparison to the latest atrocity to catch our attention...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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