Blemishes From Beyond (8/10/01)
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Do you miss the Cube? It's been over a month since Apple yanked the eight-inch "brain-in-a-box" from its product line, but since the company was thoughtful enough not to erase the product's presence from its web site, we bet there are still a few mourners out there who load up the Cube page to look longingly at the pictures and read the technical specs over and over again. (Personally, we keep revisiting the page just to see Apple's use of the phrase "rounded circles," which amuses us to no end. We're big fans of redundancy who like it when things are repetitive.)

Well, if you've been walking around with a Cube-shaped hole in your heart for the past month, cheer up-- we've got terrific news for you! No, it's not the return of the Cube; we know a lot of you are still keeping hope alive, since Apple's extraordinary notice of the product's cancellation hinted that it might come back to us someday, but that day has not yet arrived. Instead, the Cube is making its presence known from beyond the grave by infecting newer product lines with its own trademark affliction. You guessed it, baby: Cube Cracks are back, and this time it's personal!

Check it out; just two weeks after Apple shelved the Cube, Steve unveiled the splashy new Quicksilver Power Mac G4, right? Well, as faithful viewer dzhim! pointed out, Mac OS Rumors reports that several purchasers of those slick new systems have discovered the same crack-like mold lines that marred early Cubes. While they don't pose any structural threat, they can apparently look ugly as sin. According to MOSR, "a single early production run" with visible mold lines "managed to get through quality control unnoticed." Hmmm... seems to us that after the whole uproar over Cube cracks, Apple's quality control team would be extremely sensitive to and wary of similar mold line problems in other products. Does it really sound likely that they somehow missed a slew of "cracked" Quicksilvers coming off the production line?

Rather than believe that Apple's quality control personnel have been drinking heavily while on the job, we've chosen to interpret this turn of events as a sign that the Cube is trying to contact us from The Other Side. Clearly those mold lines were ectomorphically induced after pristine and perfect Quicksilvers had passed inspection and gone into boxes. But is this a message of hope, signalling the Cube's eventual return, or is it a portent of supernatural vengeance upon the Cube's enemies? Only time will tell. In the meantime, if you've got a "cracked" Quicksilver, contact your dealer-- it sounds like Apple is quietly sending out replacement plastics for people who complain.


 
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The above scene was taken from the 8/10/01 episode:

August 10, 2001: The Cube is no more, but its mold lines remain-- in some of the new Quicksilver Power Macs. Meanwhile, Adobe allegedly prepares a Carbonized version of Photoshop for a demo at next month's Seybold conference, and settlement talks are going nowhere in the "Redmond Justice" case, so Microsoft scrambles to get Windows XP out the door before the hammer falls...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3234: It's Coming Any Year Now (8/10/01)   If you're a big fan of the recent "Apple-Adobe Rift" rumors, enjoy them while you can, because they may evaporate come the end of next month. For the uninitiated, conspiracy theorists postulate that Adobe is dragging its feet on porting Photoshop to Mac OS X because Apple has secret plans to release its own image-editing software, allegedly called iPhoto...

  • 3235: "I Have A Subtle Plan" (8/10/01)   If you were worried that Microsoft might settle its antitrust case, thus robbing longtime "Redmond Justice" viewers of the climactic finish we so richly deserve, you can rest a little easier today. Faithful viewer Pastor Mac pointed out a New York Post article which indicates that settlement talks between Redmond and the government are "going nowhere."...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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