Okay, clearly the world at large isn't going to let the whole "Palm/Apple" rumor thingy die a graceful death anytime soon, so we figure we'll give the public what it wants and parade its battered and near-lifeless body around on a stick to the delight and entertainment of all. After all, it's easy when the San Francisco Chronicle stitches a few interesting factoids together into the framework for a glorious rumor rebirth, as noted by faithful viewer Ben. Kevorkian, shmevorkian; a noteworthy fact here, an innuendo there, and voilà: this rumor's on life support for at least another year! So whaddaya think-- Apple-branded Palm in January?

Most of the facts presented are old news, such as Steve Jobs's abortive attempt to buy Palm in its pre-IPO days and his recent statement to Fortune magazine: "I still wish we had been able to buy it." Also filed squarely under the category of "been there, done that" is the comparison of Palm's depressed market cap ($2.3 billion) to Apple's massive wad of cash on hand ($4.2 billion). But there are a couple of new tidbits there, and they're quite tasty to a rumor hound looking for more grist for the Apple-Palm mill: for instance, we knew about the "poison pill" that would make any acquisition of Palm, Inc. less attractive to buyers due to "huge tax liabilities," but we didn't know that "the restrictions will expire in June." That means that an Apple buyout of Palm suddenly turns into an infinitesimally less unlikely event in just ten months' time! Mark your calendars, kids!

And what are we to make of the comments of former Appleite and current Be bigwig Jean-Louis Gassée, who, after failing to sell his company to Apple in 1996, just succeeded in selling it to Palm a couple of weeks ago? Apparently someone asked him if perhaps Apple might try to buy Palm again next year once the "poison pill" clause expires; his reply was reportedly a simple "I didn't hear you." Does Jean-Louis need his ears cleaned out, or was he being deliberately evasive because he knows more than he's allowed to let on? Only his hairdresser knows for sure. One thing is abundantly clear, however; we're all going to be talking about an Apple buyout of Palm until it actually happens, or a giant space fish swallows the planet whole and snuffs out humanity in an instant. Whichever comes first.