Congratulations are in order for Apple's fearless leader! He's been called a lot of things over the years (a great many of which we can't repeat here, seeing as this is a family show), but this is the first time we've heard Steve Jobs referred to as a "Fascinating Tycoon." That's right, ladies and germs; Forbes has published its list of fifteen personalities it designates as the "irresistible rich," and Steve ranked a spot at that elite table. You can bet that the celebratory Evian will be flowing freely in Cupertino tonight.

However, we should probably mention that not all Fascinating Tycoons are equally fascinating. Indeed, Steve only ranks eighth on the list-- smack in the middle. That's not at all bad when you consider that he beat out such slightly-less-fascinating individuals as Ted Turner, Donald Trump, George Lucas, and even his own best buddy Larry Ellison; we consider it a bit of a snub, though, to discover that Forbes apparently finds Steve less fascinating than Steven Spielberg, Oprah Winfrey, and Bill Gates.

Okay, Spielberg, maybe; Oprah, perhaps. But Bill Gates "fascinating"? And, more to the point, more fascinating than not just Steve, but Spielberg and Oprah besides? Okay, yeah, the man's haircut attracts stares the same way a flaming car wreck does, but if road-accident-style rubbernecking is Forbes's measure of "fascination," then we suspect there's a bit of a misnomer going on here.

After we managed to swallow our indignation into a hard little ball to be released inappropriately in public at some dark future time, we took a look at the methodology Forbes used to calculate how fascinating people are. Suddenly it all comes clear: apparently the rankings were scientifically determined by factoring in how many times each individual was mentioned in books, on the Web, in the press, and on the radio and TV. Given Mr. Gates's ongoing tangle with the feds (and Uncle Steve's relative inexperience at violating antitrust law), by that measure, we certainly concede that Bill is more "fascinating"-- judging by his rap sheet and his haircut. But really, what else matters?