Enough, already-- we give up! This is us saying uncle: "Uncle." We hereby admit defeat and acknowledge that reality is cranking out way more soap opera melodrama than our writers could ever hope to make up. Yes, folks, as it turns out, truth isn't just stranger than fiction-- it's also much, much sleazier; the Sunday People article that faithful viewer Ryan forwarded to us proves that once and for all.

See, while we were sitting around wondering if we could crib dialogue for Steve Jobs directly from Alexis Carrington in old episodes of "Dynasty," reality was kicking our metaphorical behinds at the Apple-flavored drama game over in Jolly Olde England. We'll just give you the broad strokes, because frankly we're just really steamed that we didn't come up with this ourselves: it seems that Jon Molyneux, Apple UK's former Managing Director (as quoted in this old press release), was the target of a professional contract killing lined up by his own estranged wife... or he would have been, had his wife not made the poor choice of trying to hire an undercover reporter posing as a hit man and working with Scotland Yard.

It seems that after leaving Apple, Molyneux went on to head up a dotcom that crashed and burned (as dotcoms do), and his failure appears to have caused the final collapse of his "stormy 21-year marriage." Amid "increasingly bitter" divorce proceedings and the ultimate shame and horror of being married to a man who, after the dotcom bust, was forced to take a job as a non-executive director (gasp!), his wife decided that "the only way to hold on to her luxury five-holidays-a-year lifestyle was to pay for her heavily-insured husband to be murdered." Read the article for more juicy details-- if it doesn't satisfy your soap opera appetite, you should probably be shooting up pure essence of "Dallas" six times a day.

Mr. Molyneux is only alive today because of his wife's extreme incompetence in picking out a decent hired killer. (It's so hard to find good help these days.) Seeing as he was lucky enough for his wife to spill the whole plan to an undercover reporter working with the cops, perhaps he should pay special attention to the moral of this little story: buddy, you really should have stuck with Apple.