Oh, wait; scratch that whole innuendo about .NET being Microsoft's attempt to put a chokehold on Internet services the same way it's throttled other markets-- we forgot, we're not bashing Microsoft anymore. Didn't you hear? The company just promised that it's going to be behave from now on. They promised. So unless the inimitable Mr. Ballmer had his fingers crossed behind his back when he addressed a German audience at the CeBIT show yesterday, well, this is clearly the beginning of a whole new era for the Redmond company.

Yes, according to a BBC News article forwarded to us by faithful viewer Derrick, Steve Ballmer (looking uncharacteristically jolly and un-Frankenstein's-Monster-like in the supplied photo-- why, he looks almost human!) actually got up onstage to admit that Microsoft had a "less than perfect track record as far as trustworthiness went." For that, Ballmer won the coveted Understatement of the Year Award, narrowly edging out an Ohio fast food employee who recently asserted that accidentally submerging his entire head in the deep-fryer for a full twenty seconds "really stung like the dickens."

Ballmer then solemnly went on to make "a promise of better behavior towards competitors and governments" and claimed that Microsoft's employees "need to be a responsible leader for [their] industry" and "have to be a respectful, open, and appropriate competitor." Well, heck, that's all we wanted to hear! Now that Microsoft has clearly seen the light, Judge Kollar-Kotelly can sign off on that "Redmond Justice" settlement (which does far less to restrict Microsoft's anticompetitive behavior than that long-awaited promise will), those nine stubborn hold-out states can drop their case, and Sun can stop suing Microsoft for over a billion dollars for making Windows XP incompatible with Java (as noted in a Salon article pointed out by faithful viewer Helen) and buy everyone in the company a celebratory Slurpee, instead.

For our part, in light of these recent Ballmer epiphanies, we here at AtAT have pledged never again to cast aspersions on Microsoft's commitment to fair competition, to imply that the quality of its products would bankrupt any company without an iron death-grip on the industry, or to draw comparisons between Steve Ballmer and a shaved ape, some sort of radioactive sweat-mutant, or a pro wrestler who really let himself go after the crystal meth addiction. We promise. Just like Microsoft.