It seems like we've been hearing about it for at least a couple of decades, now, so by this time everybody must know what .NET is, right? It's that... thing. You know, that Microsoft thing. With the XML and the interoperability and the web services and the hey hey hey and the framework glavin. It's going to revolutionize the way that people use computers. It's going to enrich the lifestyles of all human beings by delivering "seamless, compelling experiences." It's both a floor wax and a dessert topping. Now aren't you glad we got that settled?

Look, if you're still not entirely sure what .NET is, don't develop an inferiority complex, or anything; just about everybody who claims to know what Microsoft's been flapping its gums about for the past couple of years is actually just faking it. (The sheer number of web sites containing the question "What Is .NET?" ought to provide a little perspective on the breadth of the mystery.) The sad truth of the matter is that only two people on the entire planet actually know and understand what .NET is supposed to be-- and, interestingly enough, neither of them works for Microsoft. No, we can't tell you their names, because if their identities were ever to be revealed, they would surely be captured and tortured by Microsoft operatives desperate to learn just what the heck this .NET thing is that they're supposed to be working on. Because, you know, since Microsoft has repeatedly stated that .NET is a "make or break" strategy for the company, they should really get moving on that.

Well, don't fret, because if things continue they way they're going now, there's a reasonable chance that you'll never need to know what .NET is... or, rather, what it was going to be, before it got redefined into obscurity. Now don't get us wrong, here-- .NET isn't a .NOT, at least not quite yet. But one of the biggest chunks of the .NET strategy just got deep-sixed because nobody wanted in. While drowning in all of the .NET hype, you may have heard of "Hailstorm," which was eventually dubbed ".NET My Services." If we're decoding the buzzwords correctly, Hailstorm was a majorly huge chunk of the .NET strategy that was supposedly going to allow companies to develop web sites and applications that could "access key pieces of personal [customer] data" for ostensibly better customization and greater ease of use.

There's just one teensy little problem with Hailstorm: according to an article in The Register pointed out by faithful viewer Jens Baumeister, no company actually wants to use it. Apparently Microsoft has admitted that "the consumer end of Hailstorm is for the moment no more," because all of the banks, credit card companies, etc. have told the Redmond Giant that they'll sit this one out. The Reg surmises that this is because said banks don't like the implications of putting all that sensitive customer data in the hands of a company where even the coffee mugs have security leaks, or maybe because they don't like the idea of Microsoft skimming cash for something they could implement themselves.

We here at AtAT, on the other hand, strongly suspect that the banks and credit card companies refused to sign on with .NET because they still don't understand what the heck it is, and Microsoft's reps weren't able to explain it sufficiently because they don't know what it is, either. Meanwhile, both sides are pretending they know what it is, and so the whole thing's a big, stinking farce. Good times. Anyway, assuming that this Hailstorm setback doesn't mean that .NET will eventually get derailed completely, we thought we'd propose the following as the official Mac user stance on Microsoft's mystery technology: "I don't even know what .NET is, but if there isn't decent Mac support for it, I'm going to raise holy hell." Whaddaya think? Too long to put on a bumper sticker?