Since we're already planning to skip the Expo this time around and we therefore have no media passes that can be rescinded, we suppose it's relatively safe for us to ponder publicly about what surprises Captain Steve might be stuffing up his big, stretchy sleeves for next Wednesday's shindig. (We're assuming that Steve's anti-rumormongering campaign is still in Phase 1 and hasn't yet progressed to include drive-by firebombings of known offenders. But we've checked the batteries in the smoke alarms just in case.) For what it's worth, Think Secret has a ton of interesting info about what we should (and shouldn't) expect next week-- and if you'd rather get your juice from a "legitimate" media outlet, most of that speculation and insider info also appears in a CNET article. (Note to CNET staffers: you may want to call before the show just to make sure that Apple-- er, IDG-- will actually still allow you inside the convention hall next week. And bring bribes, just to be safe.)

We're going to leave some of this stuff aside for a while, like the claim that Apple is about to rename iTools ".Mac," because frankly, the notion that the company might be scrambling to make its online services sound more like .NET nauseates us about as much as when Apple announced it planned to "mirror Microsoft's support policies." (C'mon, folks, you're so much better than that.) Instead we're going to focus on what Steve might be hoping is the Big Surprise for this show: the introduction of an iMac with a 17-inch screen. Ooooh. Aaaah.

"But AtAT," you ask, "isn't that what the eMac is?" Well, yeah, sorta-- except that the eMac is basically a juiced-up 17-inch version of the classic CRT-based iMac, and what Think Secret and CNET are talking about is one of those new-fangled LCD-on-a-stick units, only with a 17-inch panel instead of the current 15-inch one. Think Secret is calling this a "stone cold lock" for an Expo debut, and their track record on this stuff is exemplary, so pretty soon, it looks like you'll have the option to spend a little more scratch and finally get an iMac whose head doesn't look slightly too small for its body. (Sure, you'll also get more screen real estate, but clearly that's secondary to owning a physically well-proportioned Mac. Priorities, people!)

We don't mind telling you that we're a little edgy about Apple introducing what will undoubtedly be a more expensive iMac at a time when the personal computer market is limping. Actually, it's not even limping so much as it's dragging itself along with its lips. iMac sales, in particular, are slow slow slow (MacMinute notes a DigiTimes article about Quanta taking a hit because of slack iMac demand; Apple reportedly ordered Quanta to "halt production for much of June"), and we strongly suspect that adding features (and cost) isn't going to get more consumers in a Mac-buying mood-- at least not the way that a hefty price cut on the existing models probably would. Of course, Apple might also rack up more sales with a "Free Pony With Purchase" promo, but that doesn't mean it's economically viable. More's the pity.

But back to the keynote. If these reports are true, personally, we hope that Steve isn't counting on a 17-inch iMac to be his jaw-dropping show-stopper. Mac fans took one look at the new "floating screen" design last January and saw that an eventual upgrade from a 15-inch panel to a 17-incher wasn't an "if," but a "when," so the introduction may well be met with little more than a smattering of polite applause, if not the sound of crickets chirping. But hey, look at it this way: even if a 17-inch iMac is the Big Surprise next week, it'll still be a more satisfying keynote conclusion than last year's infamous "iDVD 2 Coming Soon" closer. It's all about keeping a positive mental attitude!