Now, this is the sort of thing we'd usually like to leave you with on a Friday so it could bake your noodle over the weekend and leave you nicely disoriented on Monday morning as you drag your puzzled butts back into the workforce, but seeing as we've been AWOL for the past couple of weeks, we're instead throwing it at you on a Monday night, in hopes that it might have at least a minimal effect on your job performance for the remainder of the work week. Hey, when it comes to lowering productivity and thereby contributing to the downfall of civilization as we know it, every little bit helps and better late than never and two or three other clichés that might conceivably apply in this situation yadda yadda yadda.

Without further ado, the noodle-baker. Try this: go to the United States Patent and Trademark Office's Trademark Electronic Search System. Click on "New User Form Search (Basic)." Enter APPLE JUNKYARD as the Search Term and choose "ALL" from the Field menu, then click "Submit Query." Bickety-bam, you're looking at Apple's July 12th application for the trademark "Junkyard," as was so astutely pointed out by MacRumors. So what you should be wondering right about now is, "just what sort of product does Apple have up its sleeve, and why in the name of all that's pure and good is Apple planning to market it under the name 'Junkyard'?"

Remember, this is a trademark we're talking about, here, not a code name. Apple's got some product in the works that somehow falls under the category of "goods and services: computer hardware; computer software; computer peripherals; instructional manuals packaged in association therewith" (vague much?) and the company is planning to take it to market with the actual, honest-to-goodness trademarked name of "Junkyard." Apple Junkyard™. Perhaps it's just us, but somehow that doesn't sound likely to inspire a groundswell of consumer confidence. What's next, Apple Cesspool™? Apple Industrial Waste Disposal Facility™? Apple Portable Chemical Toilet™? Why, the possibilities are staggering. Don't stagger too hard, though.

Caution: for the sake of the speculatory enjoyment of yourself and others, you should probably skip the obvious potential application of the trademark, which is that it's what Apple plans to call the "junk mail" feature of Mac OS X 10.2's improved Mail client to jazz it up a bit. Ignore, too, the fact that two other Jaguar features ("Rendezvous" and "Inkwell") show up in a trademark search under the exact same category as the "Junkyard" filing, thus lending credence to that drab and pedestrian explanation. Instead, just relax and imagine what sort of Apple product might carry the appellation of "Junkyard." Who says the digital hub doesn't need a shiny white-and-chrome FireWire-powered and auto-synchronizing garbage disposal? Certainly not us, buddy.