Slow news day? Heck yeah it was a slow news day... no height-of-passion board room wedgies in Cupertino, no bug-ridden Apple software releases that cause Macs to melt when installed, no word of Steve Jobs accidentally admitting that he owns a secluded island where he hunts men for sport. Indeed, there was only a single Apple-related story out there that actually qualifies as real news, though it's enough of a doozy to send the mind reeling in Lovecraftian horror when one ponders the implications. Ready for this? Apple has pulled all iPods from the shelves in France because the government says they're too loud. (Try to stay calm. Breathe deeply. Everything will be okay... maybe.)

Yep, it's true-- at least, it is if a report from MacGeneration can be trusted. Seeing as our French is at least as rusty as our English (and we love a good laugh), we sent that article screeching through Google's beta translation service to get something that almost qualifies as intelligible 'Merican. It seems that the iPod puts out a maximum volume of 104 decibels, which, while within European limitations, exceeds the French noise limit of 100 dB for personal music devices. What's four decibels between friends, you ask? Well, considering that thanks to the wonders of logarithms loudness doubles every three decibels, the iPod is actually quite a bit louder than the French allow. There's apparently some governmental concern that Apple's product may give rise to an entire generation of deaf Frenchmen.

Here in the States, of course, the concept of a legal volume limit for MP3 players is completely foreign to us, since our government is perfectly comfortable with letting us perforate our eardrums with acid-covered meat thermometers, so it sure isn't going to care whether or not we might suffer a smidge of long-term hearing loss because we were listening to "Shout At The Devil" cranked up to eleven. Since the government doesn't have to pony up the cash to fix the damage, we're pretty much free to wreck our bodies darn near any way we see fit. See? There are some benefits to our lack of a national health care plan!

But we digress. The point is, for whatever reason, the iPod in its current state is apparently just too darn loud for the French, and therefore Apple was compelled to yank all units from store shelves over yonder. Don't panic, though; all is not lost. Apple is already exploiting the magic of upgradable firmware and expects to have a patch that muffles the iPod to within acceptable French limits by October 8th. iPods will presumably make their way back into French stores shortly thereafter-- speaking just a little quieter. Whew! How's that for spine-tingling, edge-of-your-seat drama? We're going to get the shakes as soon as the adrenaline rush fades, we just know it...