You know, for a corporation embodying Pure Evil™ and bent on world domination by whatever wicked and dishonest methods it can manage to dredge up from the black, slimy depths of what may once have been its soul, Microsoft somehow still manages to come off about as competent at the whole "We're Going To Take Over The World By Any Means Necessary, Mwahahahahahaaaaa" gig as, say, Shemp from The Three Stooges after eating a couple of handfuls of lead paint chips. Case in point: surely by now you've heard this whole flap about a Microsoftian take on Apple's own Switch ads. If you somehow missed it (too busy recovering from swilling all that Columbus Day green beer, perhaps), here's the skinny: Microsoft posted to its web site the alleged testimony and alleged photograph of an alleged Mac-to-Windows switcher, in which said "Mac to PC Convert" detailed all the great reasons why she recently embraced the wonderful world of XP.

There's just one little thing wrong with that ad. Well, no, actually-- there are about six or seven big honkin' massively huge things wrong with that ad. The main one is that, instead of finding a real Mac-to-Windows switcher (yes, we're sure there must be at least a few out there who aren't on crack), Microsoft simply paid someone to lie about it. Oh, sure, the "switcher"'s name is conspicuously absent from the piece, but it didn't take long for Associated Press journalist Ted Bridis to track down the author's identity by-- surprise, surprise-- extracting hidden personal information from the accompanying Word document entreating other satisfied Mac-to-Wintel switchers (all three of them) to share their stories. (Thank heaven for Trustworthy Computing.) And thus we now know that the "switcher" is one Valerie Mallinson.

Ted, by the way, was apparently inspired to track down the "switcher"'s identity when eagle-eyed Slashdot readers such as faithful viewer Jason Wiley noticed that the posted image of the mysterious Ms. Mallinson was actually straight out of a PhotoDisc stock photo collection. So unless Ms. Mallinson is a freelance writer and a model, well, someone's being a little less than honest, here.

Then again, she's certainly doing something in addition to freelancing; did we mention that ol' Val isn't just a freelance writer, as she claims in her "Boy Howdy, XP Is Amazing" spiel, but works for Wes Rataushk & Associates, a PR firm which Microsoft has admitted to hiring for the ad? Interestingly enough, the end of Microsoft's "switch" ad features an "editor's note" saying that "now that we've successfully converted our writer to a Windows PC, we will be working on getting her to try a Pocket PC." Well, gee-- considering that faithful viewer Keith Isley noticed that Ms. Mallinson is credited on the Bicycle Africa web site as having been "a great help discussing solutions, getting equipment and finding resources" about the use of Windows CE devices-- yes, back when it was Windows CE-- something tells us that Microsoft won't have too much trouble.

Let's not even get into the fact that many of Ms. Mallinson's listed reasons why Windows is so much better than the Mac are brain-damaged to the point of farce. Actually, you know what? Yeah, let's get into it after all... heck, we've got coffee. See, when Val goes on and on about how Office is so much better than AppleWorks and Internet Explorer is so much better than Netscape, you really just want to give her a darn good shaking, since-- and one would think a former Mac user would know this sort of thing-- Office and Internet Explorer are kinda sorta both available for the Mac. In fact, IE is the only browser (well, short of Help Viewer) that ships on new Macs and with boxed copies of Mac OS X. Fer cryin' out Pete's sake, if she's so brick-stupid that she thinks the subjective superiority of Office and IE are somehow even remotely valid arguments for leaving the Mac platform, then maybe she is dumb enough to have ditched the Mac for Windows and liked it.

Anyway, the whole thing's been yet another big steaming pile of embarrassment for Microsoft, who has since pulled the ad. (When last we checked, it was still available in Google's cache, though; knock yourself out.) According to CNET, Microsoft "regrets" having posted the ad and that it was a "mistake in judgment." Mmmm, yeah... kinda like that "WE HAVE THE WAY OUT" anti-UNIX page they hosted on-- you guessed it-- UNIX. Or faking letters of support from dead people during the "Redmond Justice" brouhaha. Or faking videotaped evidence during that trial. Apparently "monopoly" means never having to say you're sorry-- or learn from your own bonehead mistakes.