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But "F" Is For "Fabulous" (10/29/02)
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Wuh-oh, it's report card time-- and Apple is probably hard at work learning to forge its parents' signatures, because its grade from Professor Schwab leaves a lot to be desired. As reported by BusinessWeek, Charles Schwab just flunked Apple's stock with a big red "F." That's a report card that's most definitely not worth fifteen free tokens at Chuck E. Cheese. Suppose there was also a note about AAPL frequently snapping gum in class and not sharing the paste?
As his justification for giving such a harsh grade to such a well-loved stock (and one with excellent penmanship, to boot), Schwab senior veep Greg Forsythe provided the following explanation: "We come to this conclusion by looking at the difference between operating cash flow and reported net income. There is some management discretion as to how you report your net income, but in the long run, operating cash flow and net income must converge. If net income is much higher than operating cash flow, the tendency is for net income to fall back in line."
We've alluded to our own complete and utter lack of interest and/or understanding regarding this sort of high-falutin' financial talk before, but just for reference, to our ears, when we read the above passage, this is what we hear: "Blah blah blah blah blahblahblah blah blahblah blah blah blahblahblah blahblah blahblahblah blah yadda yadda yadda blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah homina homina homina blah blahblah blah blahblahblah blah Polish sausage blah blah blahblah blah Ditka blah." Fascinating, no?
Since we here at the AtAT compound haven't yet sold any of our shares in Apple, it would appear that Mr. Forsythe is characterizing us as "emotional investors." Therefore, we are forced to contradict that erroneous assessment in a calm, detached, and purely objective manner by stating in no uncertain terms that Greg Forsythe can BITE US. So you think Apple's "pretty unattractive across the board," huh, Greg? Well, so's YOUR MOTHER. You want a piece of us? Huh? Make an emotional investment in THIS, buddy-boy!
Meanwhile, sources close to the company report that if Dad ever finds out about this semester's "F," Apple can forget about going to the Autumn Sock Hop.
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SceneLink (3804)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 10/29/02 episode: October 29, 2002: Apple's stock scores the dreaded "F" from Charles Schwab-- is the grade justified? Meanwhile, Rob Enderle of Giga insists that Macs will be using x86 chips by the end of next year, and Gartner reveals that Apple's domestic server sales are up 273% from a year ago, landing the company in the number five slot just under Sun...
Other scenes from that episode: 3805: Going Under Any Day Now (10/29/02) Predictably enough, Charles Schwab's not the only organization bagging on Apple these days; apparently Giga Information Group Inc. is putting the boot in, too. Whereas Schwab is a "financial services firm" whose job is apparently to tell everyone to sell off their Apple stock before the company spontaneously bursts into flames, Giga is a "global technology advisory firm" whose mission seems to be to predict Apple's imminent demise year after year after year... 3806: Number Five With A Bullet (10/29/02) Finally, a research firm with some good news for Apple for once! Gartner Dataquest just issued a press release describing the state of the worldwide server market, and despite a global economy that's begging to be put out of its misery by any semi-humane method within easy reach, total server sales in the third quarter actually grew over three percent from the same period a year ago...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
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