Six Months And Counting (10/30/02)
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Seeing as absolutely nothing at all is happening in Macville right now (no, seriously-- NOTHING IS HAPPENING. There are tumbleweeds rolling through the streets. It's actually kinda eerie), we may as well take this opportunity to announce to the world that Anya, AtAT's resident intern and goddess-in-training, has been with us for exactly six months today. And by "with us," we mean both "with us" here on the staff and "with us" in the broader sense of having finally spent half a year on this planet ex utero. So hearty congratulations to her from the rest of the staff on both her half-birthday and her half-year anniversary on the AtAT team. We plan to get her drunk tonight after work and see if she'll dance on any tables for money.

Many of you scoffed when we hired a newborn to help out with AtAT's day-to-day production, but in retrospect, we can state quite emphatically that we made the right decision. For one thing, since she lacks any and all real-world experience, we get to pay her practically nothing, which is excellent for our budget. (Granted, there's been a rather sharp uptick in the monthly office Huggies bill since her arrival, but as far as we know, that's just a coincidence.) For another, she takes up surprisingly little space and remains relatively portable, which is all very convenient, at least in theory.

Meanwhile, she's performed her duties with the utmost diligence-- although we senior staff take partial credit for that, since we showed remarkable perspicacity and insight in assigning her to the "Doing Everything Humanly Possible To Prevent The Show's Daily Broadcast" department, where she excelled in such tasks as staving off all forms of sleep by any means necessary, crying and/or pooping at remarkably inopportune moments, and pummelling multiple production-floor keyboards into states of extreme disrepair with the flailing of tiny but powerful fists and feet. She's also distractingly cute. As our spotty broadcast schedule over the past six months indicates, truly, the child is a prodigy when it comes to the field of productivity negation. Someday she's going to have a government job.

While we'd love to sing "Happy Birthday To You" for her on the show today (with significant unsanctioned liberties with the lyrics due to the half-birthday nature of the occasion), frankly, we can't afford the licensing fees. So instead we're opting for a rousing chorus of the public domain "Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum." If you listen really carefully, you may just hear us. But probably not.


 
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The above scene was taken from the 10/30/02 episode:

October 30, 2002: Is excessive fan noise in the latest Power Macs due to a motherboard flaw, or is it just Apple's way of getting pro users to switch to Mac OS X? Meanwhile, CNET practically gushes over Dell for making tentative steps towards a floppy-free future, and AtAT's resident intern and goddess-in-training hits a six-month milestone...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3807: Eh, Silence Is Overrated (10/30/02)   Super-Fun Well-Known Jobsian Personality Quirk #54: Uncle Steve hates fans. By all accounts, the very notion of using a computer spitting out any unnecessary white noise drives the man into a frenzy...

  • 3808: Been There, Done That (10/30/02)   Okay, we know, we should be used to this by now, but we just can't help it: it still really chaps our hinders when we see articles that make it look like Dell is doing anything the least bit innovative outside of its great strides in the field of Dumb-As-A-Post But Inexplicably Effective Pitchmen research...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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