The Slow Economy Blues (11/27/02)

It looks like Apple's latest Switch ads may in fact be accurate representations of a certain mythical chimney-crawling gift-giver, at least mood-wise: Santa seems to be a little on the surly side this year. That's what we gather from a report at Mac OS Rumors which states that Apple employees who were hoping for a year-end raise this holiday season are instead once again getting lumps of coal in their stockings. Apparently Santa's little helper Steve Jobs just issued a memo informing all the Whos in Whoville that a salary freeze is in effect once again this year, and therefore raises are a no-no.

Then again, in this economy, it seems to us that news of a salary freeze is actually a good thing, for a couple of important reasons. First of all, while your pay isn't going up, it's also not going down. And secondly, if your salary's been frozen, that means you actually have a salary in the first place, which is becoming something of a rarity these days. In fact, the way things are going, if you're still drawing a paycheck of any kind by this time next year, don't be surprised if the Smithsonian contacts you about the possibility of adding one of your pay stubs to its "Stuff People Hardly Ever See Anymore" collection.

Unfortunately, it seems that not everyone at Apple was lucky enough to have his or her salary zapped by the Freeze Ray; some had their paychecks blasted by a phaser set on "kill" instead. While we still haven't found anything that clinches the recent rumor of as many as a thousand pink slips from the mothership, Mac OS Rumors does mention "significant recent layoffs in certain sectors of Apple." To any former Applefolk out there now seeking gainful employment, our thoughts are with you as you pound the pavement. We'd hire you ourselves, but our own budget is running on fumes these days, and something tells us you're unlikely to accept payment strictly in leftover Halloween candy.

Meanwhile, we've heard nothing regarding another ease-the-pain initiative like last year's half-price iPods for employees, but we're confident that those in the Cupertino trenches will receive some sort of comfort measure from their employers. Note to Steve Jobs: baked goods can cure all ills. Show us a company with low morale and we'll show you a company that never offered oven-fresh corn muffins to its troops. Mmmmmm, corn muffins.

SceneLink (3866)
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

Mash-ups and original music by AtAT's former Intern and Goddess-in-Training

Prim M at YouTube


The above scene was taken from the 11/27/02 episode:

November 27, 2002: Apple releases a firmware update to make "Wind-tunnel" Power Macs slightly less deafening. Meanwhile, the company's employees face layoffs and salary freezes, even as Apple tries to steal a Department of Energy contract to build a 197-ton supercomputer away from IBM...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3865: Keeping Tinnitus At Bay (11/27/02)   As Thanksgiving comes hurtling at our heads like a twenty-pound Butterball shot out of a cannon, Apple is just in time to give those of you lucky enough to own its most recent Power Macs still more reasons for which to be grateful...

  • 3867: All About The Innovation (11/27/02)   We're going to kick off the long holiday weekend the very bestest way we know how: with another fascinating, edge-of-your-seat round of unconfirmed reports! Some of you may have heard last week that IBM is gearing up to build a couple of massive new supercomputers for the Department of Energy, as reported by The Mercury News, and perhaps you wondered just where the heck Apple is during this whole spiel...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(878 votes)

As an Amazon Associate, AtAT earns from qualifying purchases

DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up.

Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers."

Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2023 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).