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iTMS: 2 Good 2 B 4 AOL? (5/2/03)
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Remember that exclusive FORTUNE article about Apple's new musical endeavors? As far as we know, that was the first reliable news outlet to report that Apple's promised Windows support for the iTunes Music Store would actually be a full-fledged Windows port of iTunes. And now that the development of iTunes for Windows has been confirmed by Apple itself in a job posting, suddenly something else mentioned in that article starts looking a little more credible.
To wit, we're talking about the possibility of iTMS being integrated with AOL-- a prospect which initially sounded just plain goofy to us, but one we need to reconsider now that FORTUNE's shown that it really has done its homework. The situation, as far as we can make out, is that AOL was in the process of developing its own online music store, but whatever they've got so far can't even bill customers for individual song purchases yet. If AOL can cut a deal with Apple to use iTMS instead, then Apple may just wind up getting its new venture in front of 26 million AOL subscribers. We believe the technical term is "ka-ching!"
Now, we did a little homework ourselves, and it turns out that AOL is the one hesitating on this deal, not Apple. Sources close to AOL bigwigs report that said bigwigs are concerned that the iTunes Music Store is "severely lacking in the suckiness department." Apparently the company strives to maintain a uniform level of suckage, and there's a fair amount of concern that if its customers experience any aspect of AOL-related software or service that falls below a certain prescribed minimum crappiness rating, they'll become bewildered and disoriented and go wander in front of a speeding bus or something.
The good news, however, is that Apple and AOL are close to a inking a deal that would send a cadre of AOL Suckiness Engineers to One Infinite Loop to assist Apple's developers in ensuring that the AOL version of iTMS meets that company's stringent criteria for suckosity. As part of the agreement, the AOL employees would also help Apple in the development of the standalone Windows version of iTunes, which, according to Crazy Apple Rumors, will be "required to suck 43.5% more than the Macintosh version" in order to stick to Windows interface guidelines.
Frankly, Apple could use the help; Steve promised the Windows version by the end of the year, which is less than eight months away, and Apple hasn't had much experience making products suck since the end of the Amelio era. (Word has it that Apple's engineers are intently studying a Power Mac 4400 in order to get up to speed.)
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SceneLink (3926)
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors |
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 5/2/03 episode: May 2, 2003: So how's the iTunes Music Store doing, you ask? Well, how's 275,000 songs sold in 18 hours grab ya? Meanwhile, AOL considers integrating the store into its own online service, and certain people might be aghast to learn that the new iPods have between 20 and 45 percent less battery power than previous models...
Other scenes from that episode: 3925: Scrambling Up The Charts (5/2/03) Okay, we figure it's still way too soon to decide for sure whether or not the iTunes Music Store is a hit, but the early stats sure seem to indicate that it's heading to number one with a bullet. According to Billboard, Apple's new music service spat out some 275,000 tracks in its first 18 hours online... 3927: "Now With 20% Less Juice!" (5/2/03) You know, about six months ago, an AtAT field operative inconspicuously disguised as Blackbeard the Pirate snuck into Apple's Top Secret Underground Laboratory / Bowling Alley and managed to take some extremely covert and exciting video footage, despite his hook hand...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
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