"But Does It Come In Black?" (6/9/03)
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Assuming you aren't one of the millions of unfortunates reduced to trying to come up with new and interesting recipes involving generic dog food and ketchup packets swiped from the local Wendy's, living in a down economy has its benefits. Any red-blooded consumer with a little disposable income still floating around has to love the phrase "Buyer's Market"; yup, it's a great time to raid the kids' college funds, live for the day, and run out and buy a new grill. Or a bigger TV. Maybe a company or three. Whatever.

That's right, it looks like Uncle Steve is going shopping again; if you trust LoopRumors's "reliable sources" (and hey, why wouldn't you? They're "reliable"!), Apple is in talks to buy Roxio, owners of Toast Titanium, a whole freakin' stable of Windows CD/DVD/multimedia software, and the court-neutered remains of Napster. Heck, why not? After all, there's something like $4 billion in gold bullion and mint-condition Golden Age comic books stashed somewhere beneath the streets of Cupertino, so if Steve wants to make an impulse buy or two while everything's on sale, well, where's the harm?

In fact, maybe it's not such an impulse buy after all; Roxio's a pretty good fit for Apple in three ways that we can see. Firstly, seeing as Apple is pushing hard to get iTunes for Windows out by the end of the year as promised, it'd be pretty handy to reuse the guts of Easy CD & DVD Creator to take care of burning audio discs under Windows. Secondly, Toast Titanium stomps Mac OS X's built-in burning support into a fine, fragrant powder that smooths even as it tones; integrating some of that Toastily Titaniumy goodness into Panther or even subsequent versions of Mac OS X seems like an obvious and worthwhile improvement.

And thirdly, seeing as Steve was allegedly shopping for Universal as part of his multi-pronged master plan to control all the world's media but backed off when Apple Records threatened to sue, at least this way he'd get Pressplay, the subscription online music service created by Universal and recently acquired by Roxio. Whether or not he'd actually use it for anything is debatable, but shutting it down and sticking Napster back into solitary would clear some more room for the iTunes Music Store to take root.

And actually, we just thought of a fourth reason why a Roxio purchase would be such a great fit for Steve: it would go really well with that kickin' pair of New Balance running shoes he just picked up. Say what you will about His Mercurialness; the man does know how to accessorize.


 
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The above scene was taken from the 6/9/03 episode:

June 9, 2003: Rumor has it that the 970-based Mac will indeed surface in two weeks at WWDC-- and it'll be called the Power Mac G5. Meanwhile, Apple may be looking to buy Roxio, and .Mac gets hosed by junk mail fallout from the Windows virus du jour...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4000: A 970 By Any Other Name (6/9/03)   Ah, yes, the PowerPC 970: now there's a product name that trips trillingly off the tongue. Go on, say it with us: PowerPC 970. Yes sir, with a lilt like that, this is one chip name that Apple's rampaging horde of bloodthirsty marketing executives would be insane not to exploit within an inch of its life...

  • 4002: Pain Goes Cross-Platform (6/9/03)   You know, one of the questions that we get asked most frequently by members of the Wintel ilk is this: "As Mac users, don't you sometimes miss what the Windows world has to offer?" To which we usually reply, well, kinda...

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