You know, we seriously aren't sure if "Redmond Justice" is still on the air or not, and frankly, we can't even be bothered to expend the dozen or so mouse clicks and keystrokes it would take to find out; the Microsoft antitrust drama started strong back in the David Boies/Judge Jackson days, what with all those cliffhanger plot twists about faked evidence and no less a guest star than Avie Tevanian on the stand. But once Microsoft was found guilty and the appeals procedure kicked in, the show's writers started slacking off-- and when the entire Justice Department was suddenly recast à la the two Darrens and decided to become Microsoft's eager little lapdog during the settlement talks, the show really started to drag.

Besides, who needs shadow-of-its-former-self Classic Redmond Justice when the European spinoff is so darn hot these days? The DoJ may be rolling over on command, but the European Commission is baring its teeth and growling like Microsoft swiped its favorite chew toy. According to a Reuters article, four years into its investigation of alleged anticompetitive behavior on Redmond's part, the EC feels it has a "strong case against Microsoft" and will seek a fine "linked to the severity and duration of Microsoft's perceived offense." Says a spokesperson for the Commission, "at this stage, we have so much evidence and we are in possession of such substantive a file that we believe any decision we take will withstand scrutiny of the European court."

Sounds like Microsoft's in for a serious continental-style beatdown, right? Well, we're not exactly dancing a jig just yet, since the Justice Department also had a mountain of evidence, twelve smoking guns, and a videotaped confession of Bill Gates saying "yeah, we did all that stuff, neener neener neener, just try and stop us, thppbbbbt," and apparently all it took was a few hanging chads for "let's break up Microsoft" to turn into "let's bake Microsoft brownies and give it a nice backrub." Barring any pod-person-style personality transplants, however, it sounds like the EU will indeed be calling for some stiff penalties, including a hefty fine, a requirement to stop shoving Windows Media Player down people's throats (either by removing it from Windows or by shipping Windows with, say, QuickTime as well), and a possible mandate to make source code for its server software available to third party developers.

Of course, no matter what the outcome, Microsoft will survive; while a potential fine of $3.2 billion may sound like a lot to mere mortals such as ourselves, it would barely put a dent in Microsoft's $49 billion pile of cash. (According to BusinessWeek, Microsoft made $1.6 billion in conservative investments alone last fiscal year, so there's no need to get all teary-eyed for them.) In fact, with that kind of cash, we're not entirely sure why Microsoft doesn't just pay off the remaining six continents (well, five; North America's covered by the U.S. "we pwomise to be good" settlement unless Canada wants to leap into the fray) and then violate antitrust law as often as it likes worldwide. Now there's an investment.