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Number 78 With A Bullet (9/19/03)
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Wow, did you know that, according to Forbes, you only need to scrape together about $600 million in order to be one of the 400 richest people in the U.S.A.? Seriously, how hard could that be? You could, for example, just win Powerball every other week for a year. Or persuade everyone on the planet to give you a dime to stop singing "I Will Survive." And even if you're not as lucky or as poor a singer as that, it seems to us that anyone with a little gusto, a dash of smarts, and a strong work ethic should be able to raise at least $600 million in the space of a year at the most. After all, Steve did it.
It's true! MacMinute notes that the incomparable Mr. Jobs is currently ranked 78th on the Forbes 400 list for being worth $2.3 billion. The interesting bit, though, is that Steve was only 122nd last year, with a personal worth of $1.6 billion. How, you ask, does a guy vault up 44 pegs by racking up an extra $700 million in twelve short months when his annual salary at Apple is only a dollar a year? Well, there are plenty of possibilities, but AtAT sources claim that the answer is simply this: paper route!
Yes, we're told that for the past year Steve has been moonlighting as a paperboy for the weekly Cupertino Courier, delivering issues to subscribers before he heads into the office every Wednesday morning. Running the route in his Gulfstream jet proved impractical, so he quickly switched over to a Schwinn Mini Mesa customized with handlebar streamers, a '70s-era banana seat, and a nice big basket that can carry dozens of papers to be tossed gently onto the serene porches of slumbering customers. The gig pays $13.7 million a week, which Steve has reportedly described to bestest buddy Larry Ellison (who is, incidentally, ranked ninth on the Forbes 400) as "pretty sweet."
Having jumped 44 notches to number 78 on the list of Forbesian Fatcats by slingin' dead trees is no small accomplishment, but Steve still has a ways to go before he cracks the top ten. Not that we think Steve is really the type to make it a personal goal to amass disgustingly excessive piles of filthy lucre just for the sake of improving his ranking on some magazine's list, but really, he'd be performing a public service: look whose ugly mug is currently sitting at #10. With the Dellster at $13 billion, Steve's got a whopping $10.7 billion to go; maybe he should take up mowing lawns on the weekends, too.
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SceneLink (4217)
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 9/19/03 episode: September 19, 2003: Apple gets sued for repeating hard drive manufacturers' capacity claims. Meanwhile, Steve Jobs skyrockets up Forbes's list of the 400 richest people in America, and little glitches mar an otherwise spectacular iTunes Music Store buying experience...
Other scenes from that episode: 4216: Sold By Weight, Not Volume (9/19/03) Just in time for the weekend, it's another installment of Roll-Your-Eyes Lawsuit Theater! Nothing spells R 'n' R like, well, "R," "n," and another "R"-- but unconscionably frivolous lawsuits take a close second... 4218: Some Little Stuff To Fix (9/19/03) So we've been messing with the iTunes Music Store for the past five months, now, and apart from some first-day glitches, we've found it to be a marvel of online retaily goodness. Whenever you're dealing with a data set of over 200,000 records, there are bound to be little problems cropping up now and then; in our experience, Apple has done a spectacular job, and errors are few and far between-- but if you look hard enough, you'll turn up some goofiness eventually. For example, faithful viewer Gerard Jeronowitz discovered an interesting anomaly the other day...
Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast... | |  |
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