Wow, we take back everything we've ever said about Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly! Well, except for that stuff we said about her name, which really is a pretty funny one-- be fair. And actually, now that we think about it, we should probably only take back just about half of what we've said, instead of the whole enchilada, what with pro-rating and all. Still, we're here to affirm that Judge Kollar-Kotelly is only slightly less than half as lame as we originally said she was. Good for her!

What the whoosis are we yammering about, you ask? Why, the longest-running Microsoft antitrust drama on the air, of course: "Redmond Justice"! Sure, in past episodes the feds rolled over like a prize chow-chow at the Westminster show and most of the states' attorneys general followed suit, but our own beloved Massachusetts still stands alone as the uncontested King of Stubbornia, refusing to let Redmond walk away with a flick on the earlobe and a peck on the cheek. (Go, Tom Reilly!)

And why such 47%-unbridled praise for Judge Kollar-Kotelly? Because according to CNET, she just ordered Microsoft to cough up $967,014 to pay for Massachusetts's legal fees. And while that's reportedly a little less than half of what Massachusetts had asked for, it still means that our state suddenly has access to almost a million extra badly-needed bucks to put toward vital social programs such as special-needs education and subsidized prescription drug benefits for senior citizens, whereas Microsoft will be forced to lower next month's budget for employee Cheez-Its by 4%. Now that's justice, baby!

Microsoft, reeling from the blow of losing all that baked-in cheesy goodness, still managed to appear civil in the face of overwhelming snack food adversity; said a spokesperson, "Our priority is to move past this case and to build more constructive relationships with state governments." AtAT sources report that Microsoft plans to recoup its loss in pay-per-incident service fees by introducing six more bugs into the next release of Windows; meanwhile, rumors of impropriety amid eyewitness reports of several Keebler trucks pulling up to Attorney General Reilly's house in the middle of the night are as yet unsubstantiated.