As the Apple Turns: Scene 4242: Heck, WE'D Sure Feel Safer (10/1/03)

Heck, WE'D Sure Feel Safer (10/1/03)

We're going to have to make this quick, because we here at AtAT are all currently mired in various stages of an end-of-summer cold outbreak ranging from "just starting to get a little cranky" to "all the fluid in my body is attempting to flee through my nasal passages." But we just had to make sure that we told you this: we've broken Apple's secret code! That's right, we now know how corporate execs hide company secrets in public data so that only Level 5 Management and up (the ones with the secret decoder rings with the built-in signalling whistle) can extract the info. The key? It's all in the job postings!

Take, for example, the job listing that Think Secret pulled up: Apple is supposedly looking for a "Hot-Spot Evangelist" in Uxbridge in the United Kingdom, whose duty would be to "raise the profile in the marketplace of AirPort, Apple's wireless networking solution." Ostensibly this evangelist would spread the gospel about AirPort by launching 802.11 access points "in high profile places, which Apple will support." Wow, so Apple's hoping to boost AirPort sales (and therefore portable sales) by aiding the proliferation of public wireless access points in the UK. Good stuff, right? Except that's not the real story.

Notice, also, that AppleInsider has referenced an Apple job posting, this time for a Security Analyst to "assist with the security response effort at Apple." Said analyst will be responsible for ensuring that Mac OS X doesn't turn into a sieve full of bullet holes like certain other operating systems originating roughly 800 miles due north. Again, sounds good-- and again, it's all just a smokescreen.

So here's the real story: we've got two seemingly-legit public job postings turning up at high-profile rumor sites within the same 24-hour period. One is for an AirPort evangelist. The other is for a security analyst. AirPort. Security. Clearly, Apple's next big lateral move is going to be in the field of airport security!

And why not? It's definitely a growth industry, and one in dire need of Apple's vaunted attention to detail. We foresee luggage-scanning equipment that can actually tell the difference between an explosive device and a jar of almond butter. Walk-through metal detectors that are smart enough to ignore belt buckles and steel pins in one's hip, but will rat out anyone trying to smuggle a sharpened Popsicle stick through to the gate. Genetically engineered aluminum-and-snow bomb-sniffing dogs. The possibilities-- and the profits-- are endless!

Huh. It says here on the label that we weren't supposed to mix NyQuil and antipsychotic medication. Who knew?

SceneLink (4242)

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The above scene was taken from the 10/1/03 episode:

October 1, 2003: Forget 90 nanometers; IBM knows that 60 nanometers is where it's at. Meanwhile, a suspiciously convenient confluence of factors gives Apple an opening into corporate and enterprise sales, and a pair of Apple job postings reveals the company's next big diversification move...

Other scenes from that episode:

4240: The G5: Let's Get Smaller (10/1/03) Gotsta Git Fonky! Remember yesterday when we discussed how IBM plans to shrink its processor fabrication process from 130 nanometers down to 90 nanometers by the end of the year, thus unleashing a golden bounty of lower-power, higher-clock-speed G5s that will propel Apple squarely into serious World Domination Mode?...
4241: "Just A Fluke, Your Honor" (10/1/03) We all know that Apple has been slowly ramping up for a serious push into enterprise computing and corporate sales for, well, years now-- arguably as far back as the 1996 decision to buy enterprise-savvy NeXT and use its operating system as the basis for Mac OS X...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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