By the way, Happy Guy Fawkes Day! Yes, it's the fifth of November, the anniversary of Fawkes's infamous plot to blow up Parliament and the King way back in 1605; to this day, English-types commemorate the occasion by shooting off fireworks and burning Fawkes in effigy on top of huge bonfires. Firecrackers and the simulation of burning someone alive-- why, it's fun for the whole family!

Of course, if Fawkes were alive today, we here at the AtAT compound might be a little more inclined to commiserate with him over a cup of mead ("We've got Sierra Mist-- is that close enough?") than toss him on a large pile of burning wood. Not that we advocate blowing up government buildings with 36 barrels of gunpowder or anything, but we can certainly sympathize with a certain level of frustration with one's system of government and an overwhelming sense of disenfranchisement given those in power. For Fawkes, it was caused by English laws prohibiting the practice of Catholicism. For us, it stems from something similar but arguably worse-- namely, a serious underrepresentation of Mac users among the candidates running for President. But they're both pretty much the same thing, right? Freedom of religion, and all that.

Actually, we don't yet know the platform proclivities of all the candidates, but faithful viewer Badtz Maru notes that the Democratic hopefuls revealed their computing preferences in last night's Rock the Vote debate here in Boston. Page 2 of the FDCH e-Media transcript lays bare the awful truth: Howard Dean, Carol Moseley Braun, and Dennis Kucinich all admitted to Windows use, although Braun tried to temper her answer by stating that her "son has a Mac" and she "likes them" (some of her best friends are Mac users). Joe Lieberman admitted only to using "hand-held wireless" (but not inhaling), which was clearly a way of dodging the question. Three candidates kept quiet on the subject, which means they use Wintels-- as Tom Clancy says, "Never ask what sort of computer a guy drives. If he's a Mac user, he'll tell you. If not, why embarrass him?"

In fact, the only candidate who stated for the record that he actually uses a Mac was Al Sharpton. And even though we usually pride ourselves on voting entirely by the candidates' computing platform preferences without letting our judgment be colored by anything relatively unimportant like "political issues," "competency," or "history of violent criminal acts," there's a deal-breaker that prevents us from ever possibly considering Sharpton for President. We speak, of course, of the hair. 'Nuff said.

Despite his losing the popular vote in 2000, we assume that the Republicans will be sticking with Bush next year, who has been photographed with a PowerBook-- although if you look at the photo, it's unclear whether it shows him with his PowerBook, or simply depicts him calling information to ask what "that black thing with the glowing screen and the typewriter part on my desk" is. And of course if Nader runs again (and isn't immediately pummelled into submission with a tire iron by a foam-flecked, wild-eyed Al Gore), instead of voting pro-Mac, we could always vote anti-Microsoft.

Ah, screw it-- we're writing in Jobs. We know he says he doesn't want the job, but he also said he was only Apple's "interim" CEO. Let's see what he says when he wins by a landslide...