Wildly questionable market share numbers notwithstanding, there's no denying that the iTunes Music Store is pretty darn cool. How cool, you ask? Cool enough that Fonzie calls it "Sir." Chillier than the reception a porcupine would get at a Down With Pointy Things rally. So unbefreakinglievably cool that if you pour orange juice into an ice cube tray, cover it with plastic wrap, poke toothpicks into each little cubelet, and stick it in the iTMS for a few hours, presto-- Sunshine on a Stick!

Still not clear enough for you? Then let's put it this way: the iTMS isn't just cool, nor is it merely cooler-- it's coolest, as decreed by no less an authority than TIME Magazine itself. Yes, faithful viewer Bill Brown casually informed us that the iTMS is TIME's Coolest Invention of the Year, beating out such notable contenders as camera-concealing cell phones, the Kamikaze Robo-Lobster, and Mr. Segway's Amazing Third-World Water Purifier. In fact, TIME even goes so far as to say that the iTMS is cooler than a device that finally gives a satisfying answer to the age-old question of what to do with all those AOL CD-ROMs. High praise indeed.

Now, winning awards is nothing new for Apple, and in fact even the company's flops at the cash register can rack up some crazy-butt kudos before getting axed for slow sales. (Yeah, we're looking at you, Cube.) But it's one thing to score awards for impeccable design, and something else altogether to have to carry the mantle of "coolest invention" for a year. Seriously, is the iTMS up to the pressure of staying cooler than a car that parallel parks itself? We're just hoping that the crushing burden of Ultimate Coolth doesn't drive it to drink. Or worse, New Jersey.

Ha ha! Just kidding, Jersey-dwellers! See, we picked you for that gag because we know you have a sense of humor, what with Kevin Smith and all. C'mon, you've got more Apple retail stores than Texas-- surely you're secure enough to laugh at yourselves, right? Right. Moving on.

Word has it that the white-coated madmen in the secret underground labs of One Infinite Loop are so drunk with pride over the "Coolest Invention" win that they've vowed never to let the title slip from their grasp; consequently they're all hard at work on a selection of devices rather far afield from Apple's typical product line-up, designed with one goal and one goal only: Maximum Coolness Density. Our usual sources had any and all knowledge of what those products might be selectively vacuumed right out of their skulls before they had a chance to contact us, but one of them theorizes that the supercool device closest to completion might be some sort of gadget that can selectively vacuum knowledge right out of people's skulls.

We have no idea where he got this idea. We figure he's just guessing. But in any event, congratulations to everyone at Apple; no matter how dorky you might have been yesterday, as of today your mom and TIME Magazine say you're cool!