Slow news day alert! Slow news day alert! Duck and cover, people, because it's time for another round of off-topic Microsoft-bashing! Hey, it's either this, or transcribing pages from the phone book; we've got airtime to fill, ya know. Besides, as we've mentioned numerous times in the past, no matter how dead things get, there are always at least two or three items about Microsoft floating around out there, just begging for smart-ass commentary. It's almost like we've found our true place in the universe.

Today's topic was a tough choice, though, because it's agonizing to pass up Bill Gates insisting to AlwaysOn that Windows is "significantly better" than Linux security-wise, and "way cheaper" as well; heck, we could probably fill an entire episode with nothing but speculation as to what seriously mind-altering substances the Billster must have had in his bloodstream at the time he said that. (We're guessing two parts crack, three parts methadone, a pinch of ecstasy, and a NyQuil chaser.) Still, the topic we do want to cover hits a little closer to home: faithful viewer Peter Krug tipped us off to an InfoWorld article about how bank automated teller machines are being replaced with new models running Windows-- and a bunch of them have already been infected by worms.

Yup, back in August a couple of unnamed financial institutions had to pull their ATMs offline and patch them because they'd become infected with Welchia, that "white hat" Blaster variant that tried to help by patching systems against Blaster infection, but ironically just choked networks with a flood of activity. So now ATMs are going to inherit all the same security holes that Windows has? Maybe it's just our overly-paranoid sensibilities showing, here, but the "near universal decision to use Windows" to drive ATMs sounds like the scariest idea since squeezy-yogurt-in-a-tube.

Is there any technical reason to believe that someone couldn't write a worm that captures account numbers as the ATM card mag stripe is read, records PINs as they're entered, and then sends the data back to the author for later use? As Peter puts it, "Why don't we just find hackers and write them checks directly?" (The answer, of course, is "tax reasons," but we suspect he was asking rhetorically.) Seriously, we'd be a little less concerned about the possibility of Windows-based ATMs getting compromised if it hadn't happened already.

Not to mention the fact that, security issues aside, every time we deposit an AtAT Store check or get some cash, we'll technically be using Windows against our will, and cooties are a major concern. FleetBoston, the official Bank of AtAT and its staff, has already tested a hundred Windows NT-based ATMs in New York and our own town of Boston, and is "certifying Windows XP for deployment." Sheesh... it's almost enough to make us want to walk inside the bank and deal with real live people again.