Well, we held out almost as long as we could, but we have to say, we're really starting to despair over the prospect of this whole Super Bowl thing. Not the game itself, of course; we don't even know who's still in the running. Come February 1st, it could be the Denver Broncos versus the Smurfs and Swamp Thing for all we care. We're talking about the commercials, here-- and the fact that twenty years ago Apple stunned the world with a Ridley Scott-directed bit of futureshock that heralded the advent of our own beloved Macintosh. And while said commercial didn't have a Mac anywhere in sight, it had an Orwellian Big Giant Head on a screen. It had shaven-headed drone people. It had a cryptic voiceover done by some guy with an English accent. It had a hot blonde chick in a tank top swinging a big hammer in slow motion. In other words, it had everything.

So now, twenty years later, you'd expect Apple to follow that up with something huge, right? C'mon, the Mac is two decades old and looking better than ever before. Mac OS X has attracted the attention of the nerds; together with the Xserve, it's attracted a glance or two from the suits. The Power Mac G5 is arguably the fastest personal computer available. At a time when people are increasingly looking for mobile solutions, Apple has a PowerBook lineup that drops jaws on sight. The iPod changed all the rules of portable music; the iTunes Music Store changed the rules of buying music altogether. In other words, Apple is picking up steam and rattling cages. So there has to be a new Super Bowl commercial, right?

Wrong. Maybe it's because Apple doesn't think it can ever match the power of "1984," maybe it's because the company won't have a breakthrough new Mac ready in time, maybe it's because Steve would rather spend the $4.6 million for sixty seconds of airtime on further digitally enhancing the original commercial by adding a pony, two goats, and a choo-choo train alongside the iPod he's already given Anya the Hammer Chick-- for whatever reason, CNN/Money reports that "a spokesman for Apple Computer said the company doesn't have any plans to advertise during the Super Bowl to mark the ad's 20th anniversary." Mac OS Rumors claims that Apple has chosen to stand down and let Pepsi blow the ad bucks instead; you may recall that the 100,000,000-song Pepsi-iTMS giveaway starts on February 1st, and Pepsi has already committed to Super Bowl ad time to spread the word to the 40% of the country that'll be watching.

Nice, sure, and it'll get Apple's name out there just fine-- but it's just not the same as a real honest-to-goshness Apple ad to commemorate the Mac's 20th birthday. But if you need closure on that anecdote, you don't have to give up yet; there's still two weeks left until the big game, and the thinnest sliver of hope for those of you desperate for some sort of 20-year payoff: reportedly Apple "did inquire how many ad spots were left." It's not much to go on, but it does leave the door open a nanometer or two. But if a 20th anniversary Mac ad doesn't come to pass, ask yourself this: isn't no ad better than one that completely and totally muffs it? Sometimes you just have to acknowledge perfection, back away slowly, and let it belong to the ages.

Then again, if perfection times two is too daunting a goal, as long as any new commercial included a hot blonde in a tank top swinging something heavy, the fans would probably be pretty happy.